Hallmark, the world's largest retailer and producer of gift cards for all occasions (sympathy, birthdays, holidays, etc.) has announced that they will begin mass producing greeting cards for same sex marriages and for people with alternate lifestyles.
Randy Christianson, spokesman for the company, said that "with the possibility of over 100,000 gay marriages in California before the decade is out, there is a whole segment of the population that we need to consider."
"We have also discovered that some things that were once considered rare or private fetishes are out in the open a lot more these days, so we need to take care of these people and their special occasions."
Some examples of the new cards and types are listed below:
Gay Weddings (2 men):
It's good you're both men, you don't risk the drag
If your spouse on the honeymoon is riding the rag.
Gay Weddings (generic):
You're gift cards from Walgreens, the idea is keen,
because I've never seen anyone use so much vaseline.
For Necropheliacs:
If you're tired of the same old parties and want something instead,
Come to our Morgue and have sex with the dead!
For Men Who Prefer Women's Clothing:
Daddy,
I did not mean to put you in distress
when I came in and saw you wearing Mommy's dress.
So please don't leave us, we want you to stay;
Enclosed is a coupon for some new lingerie.
Foot Fetishes:
I never met a man who thought I smelled sweet,
after he took a whiff of my feet,
So I'll keep them real clean treat them real well,
I just hope I don't get an ingrown toenail,
or a corn, a bunion or something else awful,
so you can enjoy your toe filled mouthful.
Child Molestors:
The young ones are pretty, innocent, and sweet,
they're just the kind of woman that you'd want to meet.
I know you thing pigtails can rate them a ten,
But their parents don't like them with 40 year old men.
So just remember this hard and fast rule:
I wouldn't hang out at the elementary school.
Gay Social Events:
Once it was just for Dubutantes,
Quinceneras, and girls in high society.
But you are leaving the closet,
Congratulations on your "coming out party"
