In news that will shock the world we can exclusively reveal that John Lennon, lovable rogue and Dwarf catcher, has been shot dead by a crazed gunman in the heart of New York City.
After hearing the tragic news we sent our US Correspondent Andrew Rourke to the Dakota, his luxury apartment building on Manhattan's Upper West side opposite Central Park.
Expecting to be met by a Japanese bird with her Feng Shui hanging out, our reporter was surprised when a middle aged man called Elliott Krickstein answered the door. He immediately informed us that he was a Jewish stereotype.
Sporting a long black coat and Kippah he said: "No-one by that name has lived here for ages Sir, you must have the wrong address already. My wife and I bought this apartment back in 1991. I think the previous owner was called Steve".
When our reporter informed the man that John Lennon had been shot the callous Mr Krickstein replied, "Yes I know. Get over it already. Shabbat Shalom". He closed the door in a very Jewish kind of way.
Shocked by the cynicism of the New Yorker, we decided to take our story to the state press office believing we had the scoop of the year. The response we received will sicken all Brits the other side of the pond.
"Yes, it was a tragic event, but to be honest I don't really think it is news worthy anymore," said Clark Hoyt public editor of the New York Times.
We at the Spoof can only apologize for the insensitivity shown by the American people.
As an established news site we have always prided ourselves in 'bringing you stories from around the globe as and when they happen'. We realise that the world has become a more instant place and that the 'fast food' culture in which we live often leaves no place for reflection or meditation.
It is true that John Lennon remained uncharacteristically quiet during the recent war in Iraq. However he was quite simply a living legend. A man who gave his life to the seemingly outdated causes of love and peace. We believe that he deserved more respect from our supposed 'special friends'.
In conclusion we can only hope that when they finally lose their great rock icon Elvis Presley, this news site will handle the event with far more sensitivity than they have shown us today.
God bless you John, you shall be sorely missed.
