Mumbai - It was announced earlier today that controversial reality figure, Cancer, has been diagnosed with Jade Goody.

Publicist, Ford Climax, told reporters that Cancer has had Jade Goody 'up to here', indicating the forehead as the infected area.

Goody, known to millions as the 'Big C', has an effect on approximately one in three people nationwide, although a recent study showed that red-top tabloid newspaper readers were nearly 37 times more vulnerable to contract the disease and it was only whilst having one of these publications read to it, that Cancer discovered of its ailment.

Climax, however, was pessimistic about the final outcome: "To be honest I'm not sure whether Cancer will ever fully recover from this humiliating experience and I fear it won't be long before it is knocking on death's door, which by remarkable coincidence is the name of the new TV reality show that Cancer will be starring in next week."