No More News for Newspapers

Written by Carmen

Monday, 21 April 2008

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(LONDON) Broadsheet newspapers have struggled for years to keep up with the popularity of the tabloid press. They opted to maintain the high ground by publishing factual news in the vain hope of attracting the 'intelligent reader' niche market.

With the advent of the internet delivering up-to-the minute snazzy news web sites, respected newspapers no longer serve the same purpose to inform the public of latest events. By the time the papers reach the press, most scoops have already been uncovered by the online media.

Never has this tragedy become more obvious than in the latest edition of The Daily Times News out this morning. Long time subscriber Bernando McLuiz, 57 exclaims "There's nothing in the paper any more, and I looked pretty carefully, quite a few times".

On a brighter note, Environmental Rescue Services Ltd, a North London recycling firm has seen a phenomenal increase in the recyclability of old newspapers. "Thanks to the recurring increase in efficacy and fiscal responsibility of our organization and the improved environmental acceptability of the modern print media platform we have succeeded in obtaining dramatically superior yields up from 20-30% a year ago to today's factors nearing a statistically measurable 100%" said the receptionist when we visited the company.

We were able to confirm the complete absence of any readable articles after we obtained a copy of the paper from our local news agent who had mistakenly filed it under stationery supplies.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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