The Halifax Building Society may have 18 million quid to squander on glossy advertisements while they stealthily increase their mortgage rates, but their in-house star of scream and strange (sic) Howard Brown, looks doomed to return to the PR department while he awaits the fruits of his small ad in "The Stage" for those seeking a singing bank clerk.
The glossy all-singing, all-dancing star is being axed in what Halifax have described as "an axing".
Halifax spokesman Robin Blind explains:
"Unfortunately, the advertisement featuring Howard was no longer pulling in the number of groans and complaints that traditionally irritating advertisements such as singer Lionel Richie's brother Shane and his Daz Doorstep Challenge or Paul Newman's wife Nanette and her Fairy liquid used to, although I do know for a fact that my five-year old daughter regularly holds deep, meaningful conversations with Mrs Blind on the merits of having hands as soft as cow dung.
"As a bank intent on maximising our profits, sending out 35 quid letters to inform customers of their 3 pound overdraft and generally milking the financial system, we felt that Howard had run his course. In particular when he ran the Halifax half-marathon.
"He is too homely and welcoming, and customers were beginning to trust him, which flies in the face of the core values of banking in the UK, in particular, at a time when, following 15 years of uninterrupted, obscene profits, we have suddenly fallen on our own "sword of greed" this year.
"We have seven agencies pitching for our account, and the one that throws it the furthest will probably be taken on. However, we do expect something a little better than "Every little yelps" and "You're worth shit". Perhaps something along the lines of "Sub prime, over the rainbow" sung by an irritating, 7 year-old ginger whinger might fit the bill."
