Polygamist Temple Beds "Used for Sex With Rich Republicans"

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Monday, 21 April 2008


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SAN ANGELO, Texas (FMLiveWire) -- Hundreds of children who were taken from the polygamist cult ranch here by Texas child welfare authorities will remain in state custody, a judge ruled after learning they were bred to have sex with rich Republicans.

Judge Barbara Walter also ordered court DNA testing for all 40,160 children, mothers, priests, and local GOP men who lived at or visited the "Yearning For Zion" (YFZ) Ranch in Eldorado to determine paternity.

The compound was run by the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Republican Latter Day Saints (FCJCRLDS), a heretical Mormon offshoot with links to Judaism and the Republican Party that practices polygamy.

Walter made her ruling after two days of tearful testimony during a hearing to determine whether the children were properly removed by child welfare authorities.

She was shocked to hear from the victimized mothers and children that they were considered breeding stock for the rich Republican pervs of Texas.

Several beds beneath the Church altar in the temple were used for the ritualistic and demented sex practices that conceived the children and then abused them and their mothers.

All sex acts were videotaped and distributed to male church members and some were even sold on eBay and posted on YouTube. The Church began operations while George W. Bush was governor of Texas.

Walter said she found "sufficient evidence" for Texas Child Protective Services to keep custody of the children and find them new homes.

"This is all about religion and politics -- this is about keeping the mothers and children safe from abuse," she stated.

The ranch raid stemmed from a series of phone calls in late March from underage children who said they had been beaten and forced to become the sex slaves to local businessmen.

Earlier in the day, a prosecution witness testified that it was common for the polygamist sect to force girls as young as 11 into marriage as the state alleged.

The mainstream Mormon church renounced polygamy a century ago and has no ties to the FCJCRLDS.

A defense witness from the White House said the sex and pornography operation at the Church "gave a major boost to the Texas economy and amounted to over $5 billion dollars per year" in 2007 alone. Much of the income flowed to the GOP.

Money was not only obtained from DVD sales, but from sales of virgin brides to local Republicans, "deflowering" auctions, and live public showings of Church activities to special groups for which substantial admission was demanded.

One Church woman Maureen Monkbrain said she that she had taken part in Satanic rituals there and had given birth to nine children which had been sold "at a substantial profit."

Also testifying was child psychiatrist and state witness Bruce Berry, who said the children were taught that refusing the sexual demands of the local perverts leads to "eternal damnation."

In court Texas state officials presented records that showed over 10,000 women were married and pregnant as minors. The list was found during the raid locked in a safe in a dungeon below the main ranch office building.

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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