Temuri Never Dies

Funny story: Temuri Never Dies

FALLING pianos, uncovered manholes, exploding cars. No, not the latest series of mishaps devised for a new Warner Brothers cartoon - just a day in the life of former Dundee forward Temuri Ketsbaia.

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Chapman Shoots down Lennon, Ono Distraught

Funny story: Chapman Shoots down Lennon, Ono Distraught

LEE CHAPMAN last night slaughtered Nottingham Forest new boy Neil Lennon, by branding the former Celtic skipper "a clapped-out muppet".

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Yoko Ono Retroactively Crowned Queen of Bad Taste

London, England (IP) - Yoko Ono was retroactively crowned the Queen of Bad taste in a spectacular ceremony viewed by a world wide pay per view audience.

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Cherie Blair makes heavy dosh on anti-smoking case

Funny story: Cherie Blair makes heavy dosh on anti-smoking case

Wife of former Prime Minister and Celebrity Ugly Sister, Cherie Booth QC has reportedly agreed to represent a fat cat restaurateur who is challenging the Government's ban on smoking in public places. Dave West, who owns the Abrac...

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Family Build Moat Around Castle

Funny story: Family Build Moat Around Castle

THE bereaved family of entertainment kingpin Roy 'Record Breakers' Castle this week moved to fortify the tragic star's final resting place.

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Foot-in-mouth update: 'My old bull, Ned, collapsed before my eyes'

Funny story: Foot-in-mouth update: 'My old bull, Ned, collapsed before my eyes'

The second farmer to fall victim to the foot-and-mouth outbreak wept yesterday as he told how his constant arse banging of the poor beast eventually wore it out, and how he then gave it a dose of the dreaded disease in order to clear...

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Tony Blair "I'm proud of my buttocks"

Funny story: Tony Blair "I'm proud of my buttocks"

New Jersey, June, 2007: Atop the statue of Liberty, the former Prime Minister declared his love for seagulls amidst a storm of controversy over the 'Oil for seagulls' program.

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A Bit Of Shit Makes You Up For It

Funny story: A Bit Of Shit Makes You Up For It

LONDON (Defecated News) - Oysters, champagne, a bit of massage, foreplay and fisting. These are the common ways gay and straight couples keep their love life alive. But now a fetish that has been tabboo for centuries is becoming a mainstream activity...

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Was VECO's Bill Allen in ExxonMobil's pocket as bankrupcy threatens oil giant?

Funny story: Was VECO's Bill Allen in ExxonMobil's pocket as bankrupcy threatens oil giant?

Anchorage, Alaska - (Malodorous Mess): As he pleaded guilty to a raft of corruption charges earlier this year related to bribing bent Alaskan state and Capitol Hill politicians VECO's ex-CEO Bill Allen stayed strangely reticent about his relation...

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Diebold Defends Voting Machines

Funny story: Diebold Defends Voting Machines

North Canton, Ohio (Icky Sticky Press) - Fending off nationwide controversy regarding the security of its electronic voting machines once again, Diebold Election Systems now claims that its products are safe and that corrupt human beings are the prob...

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Lindsay Lohan chases car tyres

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan chases car tyres

World famous pubic lice keeper, Lindsay Lohan, was today witnessed chasing the tyres of a Ford 100 pickup truck.

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Stephen Hawking: "Call me rap master Steve-E-STEVE."

Funny story: Stephen Hawking: "Call me rap master Steve-E-STEVE."

(Cambridge-England) It was to be another lecture by noted theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking. But the familiar synthesized voice uttered an unanticipated phrase. "You can't touch this." After which, MC Hammer's 1980's rap cla...

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Mexican Sombreros Alien Origins Established

Funny story: Mexican Sombreros Alien Origins Established

Mexico City, Meheecoe (IP) - Scientists investigating numerous reports of UFO fly overs in Mexico have come to the conclusion that the Mexican sombrero is nothing more than a replica of a type of UFO commonly seen in this part of the world. They als...

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Foot-in-the-Mouth: A cancerous tumour on the arse of Great Britain.

Funny story: Foot-in-the-Mouth: A cancerous tumour on the arse of Great Britain.

Foot-in-the-mouth disease strikes the UK, yet again "Those dirty farmers don't know how to control their nobs," says Gordon Ramsay, British PM...

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Dick Cheney Accidently Shoots All Senate Democrats

Funny story: Dick Cheney Accidently Shoots All Senate Democrats

Washington DC (IP) - Dick Cheney accidentally shot every Democrat member of the Senate and even a couple of Republicans and one Independent.

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Arse Fingering On The NHS from 2009

Funny story: Arse Fingering On The NHS from 2009

LONDON (Defecated News) - It's been a killer and a cause of worry and illness for many. Prostate cancer is an evil bastard that affects more than 30 million British men aged over 60 every day. Treatment to date has been limited, with the focus be...

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Gazza marries his dog

Funny story: Gazza marries his dog

In a remarkable turnaround of fortunes crazed alcoholic Paul Gascoigne has finally found true love. Later this month St James's United Reform Church in Newcastle will witness one of the most amazing wedding ceremonies in recent history when the t...

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Fortune Favours the Braves

Funny story: Fortune Favours the Braves

FORMER Manchester United star Quinton Fortune last night stunned the sporting world by turning his back on football to sign a deal with Major League baseball side the Atlanta Braves.

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Backlash Against UK Smoking Ban

Funny story: Backlash Against UK Smoking Ban

LONDON (Defecated News) - Just weeks after what appeared to be a success, the UK's new smoking laws are coming under scrutiny. One group has even planned attacks.

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Man vs Wild 2007 Mystery Solved

Funny story: Man vs Wild 2007 Mystery Solved

Hollywood, California (IP) - TheSpoof.com reporters have unravelled the growing Man vs Wild mystery that has been tormenting fans worldwide. The Man vs Wild series is also known as Bear Grylls: Born Survivor on British TV and is shown there on Chann...

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Indian Man Has 'A Cure for AIDS'

Funny story: Indian Man Has 'A Cure for AIDS'

AHMEDABAD, INDIA (Defecated News) - Many have claimed to hold powers to heal, often beyond the limits of what is believable. Crystal healing, and various other bullshit has been offered without any proof of clinical effectiveness.

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It's official: "Women are lazier than Men"

Funny story: It's official: "Women are lazier than Men"

Lads mag "Tasty Tets" has today published what we have all known for some time, women are indeed lazier than men.

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Prince Offends Muslim Youths

Funny story: Prince Offends Muslim Youths

WINDSOR (Defecated News) - Interfaith relations in the UK were left in tatters after the Duke of Edinburgh called a group of Muslim youth workers 'a gang of fucking Taliban bomber-training bastards' yesterday.

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C3PO and R2D2 to dance like Footballers

Funny story: C3PO and R2D2 to dance like Footballers

The camp golden robot C3P0 and his mute, somewhat irritating pal R2D2, from space documentary Star Wars, are to dance like Footballers in an attempt to resurrect their moribund film careers.

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Bill Gates issues apology for patronizing Paper Clip on Word

Funny story: Bill Gates issues apology for patronizing Paper Clip on Word

Nerdy Multi-millionaire Bill Gates today issued a heart-felt and sincere apology on behalf of the paper-clip which is the bane of every office workers life.

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Rocket Scientist Proposes New Space Station System

Funny story: Rocket Scientist Proposes New Space Station System

Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Now that the 200 inch Mount Palomar telescope has been sold on ebay resident astronomers and rocket scientists have a lot of time on their hands as they wander around the empty spot where the telescope once stood.

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Is Bush a worse liar than Nixon?

Funny story: Is Bush a worse liar than Nixon?

Washington DC - (Frankly Ludicrous Press): Despite the reluctance of an ultra-covert 'Deep Throat 2007' mole to play his/her trump card as yet, the growing mood on Capitol Hill this week is unanimous that George W Bush is an even worse liar t...

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Duchess' Fury as her Green Plan Chucked

Funny story: Duchess' Fury as her Green Plan Chucked

The Duchess of Cornwall is said to be devastated over the failure of her notion for saving time and energy.

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Gordon Brown forms new cabinet based around Pulp Fiction

Funny story: Gordon Brown forms new cabinet based around Pulp Fiction

Gordon Brown, Britain's brand spanking new Prime Minister has formed a new Government, basing his characters around personalities from the cult film, Pulp Fiction.

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Kate Middleton's boating fantasy sinks

Funny story: Kate Middleton's boating fantasy sinks

English Channel - (Ass Mess): Over-confident self-publicist Kate Middleton has been warned off trying on yet another attention-seeking stunt in the shape of a boat race across the Channel after her lawyers told her she'd been rumbled by the Fraud...

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Rowling fails to scotch Anne Robinson rumors

Funny story: Rowling fails to scotch Anne Robinson rumors

Edinburgh - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Plagiarising fraudster and serial childrens' book story thief JK Rowling has lost a High Court attempt to gag reports that she is the daughter of the BBC gargolye presenter Anne Robinson.

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A Levels - Shock as they stay the same

Funny story: A Levels - Shock as they stay the same

Political pundits, teachers and pupils are gearing up for the release of A Level results in the next two weeks, with the shock news that results have stayed exactly the same as last year.

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Civil partnership at 35 for Pretender's heir apparent

Funny story: Civil partnership at 35 for Pretender's heir apparent

Clarence House - (Ass Mess): Prince William will have a Civil Partnership similar to Elton John's with David Furnish when he's 35 according to Clarence House sources today.

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UK National Health Service Infiltrated By Islamic Extremists

Funny story: UK National Health Service Infiltrated By Islamic Extremists

Following the revelations that some of those involved in the recent Glasgow Airport attacks had been working in UK hospitals there has been increasing calls for the Government to investigate the NHS which has been long since suspected of being a bre...

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Supermarket Chain to Offer Free Drugs; Rock Stars Queue Up

Funny story: Supermarket Chain to Offer Free Drugs; Rock Stars Queue Up

CAPE CORAL, Florida (Heewack News Network) -- Dozens of rock stars lined up outside the Pubix supermarket here after the chain announced that it would provide free quantities of certain drugs.

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New iMac Coming from Apple; Steve Jobs Inside

Funny story: New iMac Coming from Apple; Steve Jobs Inside

A new iMac is rumored to be coming from Apple. Most of the gossip surrounding the product launch concerns screen size and pricing. Apple may eliminate the 17" screen and start at 20". Pricing on the 20" new iMac model...

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The health of the olympics

Funny story: The health of the olympics

The olympic governing body has, after years of debate, agreed to a new competition called 'couch potato'.

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British Black Woman Athlete Makes Drugs Comeback With New Name

Funny story: British Black Woman Athlete Makes Drugs Comeback With New Name

Christine Ohuruogu, the British women's 400m sprinter who was banned from the sport for a year, has been handed a lifeline back into the sport, after being included in the squad for the World Championships in Osa...

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iShark found off the coast of Yorkshire

Funny story: iShark found off the coast of Yorkshire

Following the sighting of a "Great White" shark off the coast of Cornwall a new species of shark was discovered by scientists off the Yorkshire Coast near Bridlington.

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Lonely Hearts

Funny story: Lonely Hearts

Bearded Male with GSOH seeks similar female for Naturist Morris Dancing. Must provide own stick and Bells.

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US Foot-And-Mouth Outbreak Confirmed

Funny story: US Foot-And-Mouth Outbreak Confirmed

President George Bush has said in a Whitehouse statement this morning that an outbreak of deadly Foot-And-Mouth disease has been confirmed in the United States for the first time since 1929.

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School Finds Little Knife on Yani

Traylor Park, New Jersey (IP) - Seven year old Yani Finootch was walking home from school one day last month when suddenly he spotted something shiny reflecting sunlight up through the blades of grass. He had found a tiny pocket knife laying on the ground. The knife had a blade that was only a half inch long and it also had a tiny pair of scissors, a screwdriver, file, a pair of tiny tweezers, a...

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Bush Deploys US Submarine to South Pole in Response to Russian Land Grab

Funny story: Bush Deploys US Submarine to South Pole in Response to Russian Land Grab

US and A (Defense News Weakly) - The Honorable George W. Bush today announced that he intends to send a submarine under the South Pole to plant a US flag. In a measured response to last week's move by Russia to plant a flag under the North Pole,...

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Missing Weapons in Iraq "Not That Big of a Deal" Claims White House

Funny story: Missing Weapons in Iraq "Not That Big of a Deal" Claims White House

District of Columbia (Field & Stream) - The estimated 190,000 missing AK-47's and pistols that the US has issued to Iraqis is "not that big of a deal" according to White House spokesman Tony Snow.

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Giant Planet Weighs Very Little; George Lucas Questioned

Funny story: Giant Planet Weighs Very Little; George Lucas Questioned

Flagstaff, Arizona (Starstuff Daily) - Astronomers at Christopher Lowell Observatory have detected a new planet outside our solar system nearly as large as Jupiter. Located in the constellation Hercules, the planet is nicknamed TrES-4 and possesses...

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The Weapons Flew, The Pentagon Knew

Funny story: The Weapons Flew, The Pentagon Knew

In a startling revelation, George Bush appears to be a loyal president. A recent report released by the 51st Congressional Oversight Committee revealed that the Pentagon had 'lost' over 190,000 AK-47's and thousands of other assorted wea...

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New High Speed Amtrak Train to Top 500 MPH

Funny story: New High Speed Amtrak Train to Top 500 MPH

Upyers Press - Amtrak Officials have been working on a highly controversial, yet secret project at a test facility located in northern Alaska. The train has been under development since 2000 and has reached speeds as high as 666 mph, but would only a...

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Snooring Spouses Inspire Spoofers

Funny story: Snooring Spouses Inspire Spoofers

Surprise, TheSpoof.com may owe its silly stories to sleeping spouses of spoof writers. Several spoofers say they spend sleepless nights spoofing while spouses snore. The sleepless spouses have to have something to do and less slee...

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Yorkies Recover from 4th, Still Await Christmas

Funny story: Yorkies Recover from 4th, Still Await Christmas

Yorkies all over the U.S. hid under beds and sofas last month when the fireworks went off. Now some of them are coming out of hiding and a few have fully recovered after sessions with pet psychics and psychologists. However they are still waiting f...

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The Socio-Economic Impact of Anti-Disestablishmentarianismistologianistics as Perceived by Barnaby J

While it may very well be true that Disestablishmentarianism originated in the northern province of Wales back in 24 A.D., it is by far the least pronounced. Yet the ripple effect generated by its onset can still be felt today. Sir Barnaby Jones of the Schlameel, Schlamazel, Hosselbeck Incorporated Trust, (S.S.H.I.T.), has an austere outlook of the situation. This is a compilation of his though...

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Boogers on a Bus Latest Movie Hit

Funny story: Boogers on a Bus Latest Movie Hit

Hollywood, California (IP) - First there was the big movie hit, "Snakes on a Plane" and now the great blockbuster movie hit of the year, "Boogers on a Bus" has hit the silver screen just in time for the end of summer.

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McDonalds Wins Bid to Serve Food on UA and AA Airlines

Funny story: McDonalds Wins Bid to Serve Food on UA and AA Airlines

Friendly Skies News - Today McDonalds announced that they have struck a deal to begin serving their full menu on United Airlines and American Airlines. The news is a bit of a shock since both airlines have been cutting back severely on perks, such as...

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Doctors Using X-Ray Glasses In Rural Hospitals

Funny story: Doctors Using X-Ray Glasses In Rural Hospitals

Hayesville, North Carolina (IP) - Doctors in this rural town at the edge of Cherokee County are using X-Ray glasses in their every day work. Cherokee County is strapped for cash and the County Administrator collects aluminum cans and recycles them i...

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John Lennon Rises from Dead to Attend Million Man March on Washington

Funny story: John Lennon Rises from Dead to Attend Million Man March on Washington

CCN - Crazy Cal News - Washington - John Lennon rose from the dead to attend a Million Man March on Washington, D.C. where United States citizens held an anti-war sit-in in front of the White House. Millions of protesters showed up to sit and sing &...

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Mount Palomar Telescope Sold on Ebay

Funny story: Mount Palomar Telescope Sold on Ebay

Pahokee, Florida (IP) - The Mount Palomar telescope was sold on ebay today for $14.95. Most would-be bidders did not bother bidding because they figured they would be out bid.

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