In a startling revelation, George Bush appears to be a loyal president. A recent report released by the 51st Congressional Oversight Committee revealed that the Pentagon had 'lost' over 190,000 AK-47's and thousands of other assorted weapons.
The President was overheard saying, "Duh, I toldja, them there fools lost the damn nuh...new…nucular…the weapons of mass distraction too." Fig Newton Gingrich was quick to commend the president now that the truth was out. "I didn't know he was covering up for the Pentagon. What a nice guy, sacrificing his reputation as an Idiot Savant to avoid the embarrassment of his co-workers. Well, he's got my vote if he decides to run again. I hope he does."
But others weren't so quick to pat the prez on the back. Al Gore claims he knew it all along and had outlined it in his book, An Inconvenient Spoof. Michael Moorer, official Jester for George W's court also admits a change of heart but still has no sympathy to give. "He still hasn't apologized for eating my hot dog when we were in 4th grade.
Osama 'Bahama Momma' Bin Laden expressed his condolences to the embattled leader of the free word. "I tried to release as many tapes as I could, you know, draw attention away from the 'General Disorder meet Major Screw-up' going on over there but I guess it wasn't enough."
Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a 34-year-old Hispanic male, blonde, overweight mailroom clerk with a lazy eye told us, "The problem started when the Pentagon started talks about changing its name to the Octagon in honor of Chuck Norris. The rumor reached the corporate headquarters of FedEx, who love Bruce Lee, and they cancelled our contract. As a result, we were forced to send the weapons through the regular U.S. Mail. God only knows where all that stuff is now…"