Cheney Doesn't Want to Scare You... But You're going to Die
DES MOINES, Iowa - Vice President Dick Cheney says the United States will risk another terrorist attack if voters make the wrong choice in 2008, suggesting Democrats would follow a pre-Sept. 11 policy of reacting defensively.
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Bush Nominates Satan for Supreme Court Vacancy
(Washington DC) - Today, in a surprise Rose Garden address, President George W Bush put forth his next nomination to the Supreme Court.
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Vitamin jab, human growth hormone or smack top-up? Madonna's mid-air poser
Atlantic Occean Airspace - (Rioters): First Class passengers on a recent New York to London flight reported feeling 'shocked and sickened' as Madonna began injecting herself "in the ass" with an unidentified substance halfway throug...
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I saw the Met police chief sober, claims senior Tory
London - (Rotters): A senior Tory MP was accused today smearing Metropolitan Police chief Sir Ian Blair with allegations about his sobriety.
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Alaska's 'Sarah Barracuda' touted as 2008 Veep on Romney ticket
Alaska - (Ass Mess): Alaska's Governor Sarah 'Barracuda' Palin has been touted as a likely VeeP to Mitt Romney and the GOP's official choice for the Republican nomination for the 2008 White House contest.
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Wikipedia 'shows CIA page edits' shockhorror
Cyberspace - (Ass Mess): The CIA was behind an elaborate hoax to pump toxic crap into online reference site Wikipedia according to a signed confession squeezed out of ex-top spook George Tenet.
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Iraqi Woman Cites Magic Bullet Theory In Destruction Of Property
An elderly Iraqi woman claims that two bullets hit her house Tuesday after a coalition forces raid on Sadr City.
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Theme park reinstates shark fin soup on menu
(Hong Kong, China) Bowing under pressure from Chinese tourists, the newest Asian theme park has reneged on a deal with animal rights advocates and reinstated shark fin soup on its dining menus.
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Wasp Riots
After scientist Professor Tori Spelling (no relation) released a report stating that he had proved wasps are spiteful bastards, demonstrations have been held in se...
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Ed-E-torial 17: Clinton-Obama, Dream or Scream Team?
(New York--NY)It's Ed-E-torial #17. The one where Wheelchair Bob asks you, "Clinton and Obama in 2008, dream or nightmare?"...
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Men prefer pet names, women too
(Munich, Germany) Human males enjoy being called nicknames that they feel enhance their prowess in the eyes of others reports Dick Bush of the University of Maryland, Munich Campus.
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China Boom Goes BANG!
MAINLAND CHINA - The Economy of China was in panic today as it saw all it's efforts to become richer than America destroyed. The Spoof has gained detailed and precise information from a reliable mole inside the Chinese Government...
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Don Imus sued by 'Nappy-Headed Ho'
New York - (Nappy-Headed Ass Mess): Just hours after collecting a reported $50 million settlement check for breach of contract ex-CBS radio shock-jock Don Imus has found himself being sued by one of the 'Nappy-Headed Hos' he smeared in the Ru...
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Toy Rocket Attains Orbit with Tiny Engine
Penrose, Colorado (IP) A toy rocket manufactured by Centuri Engineering Company in the late 1960's has attained Earth orbit. The rocket uses balsa wood for the fins and nose cone and a cardboard tube for the fuselage. It was painted red and bla...
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Ksmuti wow dongle market
Chinese electronics maker, Ksmuti, have cause uproar in the worldwide dongle market with the launch of the K1A bluetouch dongle.
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Hurricane Cruise Offered by Cruise Line
San Juan, Puerto Rico (IP) - Maritime Cruise Lines is offering a cruise into the center of a hurricane that is designed for the adventurous at heart and the under forty crowd. The cruise brochure includes a warning that non-swimmers will not be allo...
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Des Lynham Sectioned!
Famous Irish BBC sports presenter, Des Lynham, was sectioned last night after running naked through the Sunday Tomes offices after an argument with Sunday Tomes writer, Donny Clarkson.
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Gordon Brown's Holiday Misery
The new UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has been criticised for not taking a holiday despite being in the job for almost 6 weeks.
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Prof Dawkin's Monthly Stars From the Astro-Plane
What's Up Your Street This Month if You're a TV Professor Filling the Tricky Channel 4 Monday Slot in August?...
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Utah Farmer Finds Strawberry Inside Tomato
Mormontown, Utah (IP) - A Utah farmer has reported finding a strawberry growing inside of a tomato. Food industry scientists are eager to get their hands on a sample of this miracle fruit. Through genetic engineering it may soon become possible make...
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Mattel Exorcism Doll Lead Free
Washington (IP) - Reports streaming into our Washington field office indicate that with all of the worry and fear being stirred up by the latest lead tainted toy scare that there is still one item that parents won't have to worry about. That ite...
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Inspired by Fake Steve Jobs, Fake Paris Hilton Makes Big Announcement
Hollywood , CA - Inspired by the courage of Fake Steve Jobs, Fake Paris Hilton has announced plans to give up her decadent lifestyle and enter a life of humble public service.
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Pensioner Worried About Stuff
LONDON (Defecated News) - It would appear that for many citizens, things are getting a bit too much of a concern nowadays. Many people, especially old folk with too much time to think, are finding things a bit of a worry.
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Farty Party Prank Goes Wrong
SHEFFIELD (Defecated News) - A man and three of his friends are being treated at Chesterfield District Hospital today for severe burns after a drunken prank went terribly wrong.
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Iran recalls one million improvised explosive devices
Tehran - (Faux News) My IED Ltd. , a licensed subcontractor of the Revolutionary guard issued a recall of nearly one million late 2006 model improvised explosive devices (IED's).
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Iranian Navy Sails Towards The United States! U.S. Prepares for Invasion!
Pearl Harbor - The United States of America was today addressed by President Bush, "Today the United States is facing an attack by the Imperial Islamic Navy of Iran. We have reached our rendevous with destiny. After consulting with the Congress...
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New Alternative Energy Source Will Save Our Planet. In Theory.
Finding an effective, environmentally-friendly source of energy to replace fossil fuels has proven difficult indeed. The modest successes of wind, hydro-electric, and solar power have been overshadowed by embarrassing failures, like the Photosynthes...
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Al Gore Wants to Borrow Martian Ice Caps
Bangor, Maine (IP) - Al Gore is well known for his hand in developing internet technology and for his knowledge of the environment and global warming. He has come up with another idea that could buy a lot of extra time for our planet.
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Mattel Recalls Heidi Klum
EL SEGUNDO, CA - Citing safety concerns originating with its Chinese manufacturers, toy company Mattel announced today an immediate recall of Heidi Klum. CEO Robert Eckert said the recall became necessary after an investigation into a Mattel subcont...
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Britney Spears Earns PhD in Astronomy
Mount Palomar, California (IP) Britney Spears has just graduated from Mount Palomar's University of Astronomy and Astrophysics earning her PhD in cosmology with a specialty in stellar evolution and quantum mechanics as well as a minor in universa...
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Spontaneous Combustion Consumes Polar Ice Cap
Juneau, Alaska (IP) - Telemetry broadcast by polar ice cap monitoring station OICU812 indicates that the north polar ice cap spontaneously combusted due to the effects of global warming.
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Alberto Gonzales to be Interrogated at Guantanamo Bay
Following last month's Senate resolution demanding that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales be sent to Guantanamo Bay for interrogation, George Bush (who, in the past has said he has been unable to find any way to close down the controversial inter...
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Lead to be Removed From Lead Sinkers
Blairsville, Georgia (IP) - The leading manufacturer of lead fishing sinkers has announced that his company will remove all of the lead from all of the lead sinkers his company makes. This will make the sinkers much lighter and easier to ship and wi...
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Mattel Recalls Good Old Days
Washington (IP) - Mattel recalled the good old days today. Mattel CEO Henry Finootch can remember the days when lead was not even poison yet. He can even remember back to a point before poison was poison and when boys could be boys and men could be...
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Lead Tainted Toys To Be Used As Clay Pigeons
Mephistophel City, Tennessee (IP) - The government is giving away, free, lead tainted toys from China to be used as clay pigeons. A government operated laboratory has developed a launching device that will accommodate all of the various shapes of to...
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FDA To Outlaw Testing Toys For Lead
Washington DC (IP) - The Food and Drug Administration, acting on behalf of corporate America, will outlaw the testing of toys for lead content. They are also going to prohibit the testing of any food that makes it into the United States. Raids are...
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