Supermarket Chain to Offer Free Drugs; Rock Stars Queue Up

Funny story written by Heewack

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

image for Supermarket Chain to Offer Free Drugs; Rock Stars Queue Up
Woah...where's the drugs maan?

CAPE CORAL, Florida (Heewack News Network) -- Dozens of rock stars lined up outside the Pubix supermarket here after the chain announced that it would provide free quantities of certain drugs.

A party atmosphere permeated the parking lot of the Pubix here, as numerous entertainers queued up to be among the first to obtain the free drugs.

Slash, the former Guns 'N Roses guitarist now with Velvet Revolver, sat in a lounge chair with fellow bandmate Scott Weiland outside the supermarket. They were among the first to arrive at the store, shortly after midnight, waiting for the store to open at 7:00 a.m.

"We're hoping to score some heroin," Slash told HNN. Weiland said he planned to get some cocaine.

Told that the supermarket was only providing free antibiotics, such as amoxycillin and penicillin, their spirits dropped.

"No heroin?" Slash asked.

"No cocaine?" Weiland moaned plaintively.

Just then, Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty arrived with an entourage, chanting "FREE SMACK! FREE SMACK!" But Doherty's festive mood soured when told that the free drugs were mere oral antibiotics.

Slash and Weiland walked away dejectedly, but Doherty decided to remain in line. "Penicillin's good for venereal disease, right?" he asked.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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