In a remarkable turnaround of fortunes crazed alcoholic Paul Gascoigne has finally found true love. Later this month St James's United Reform Church in Newcastle will witness one of the most amazing wedding ceremonies in recent history when the talented but personality disordered ex footballer will marry his dog of 6 months Philippa Jarvis, a west highland white terrier from Dundee, Scotland.
Speaking in an unintelligible voice and without any obvious sense of purpose, a drunk Gazza shouted at our Sports correspondent, "Got any P-nuts yer fooking gobshite?!"
Trying to focus upon more successful times our reporter asked Paul whether he thought the free kick he scored against Arsenal in the semi final of the F.A. Cup was perhaps the best goal ever to be scored at the Old Wembley.
Unfortunately Mr Gascoigne was far too inebriated to respond and he and his hairy fiancee Philippa were indulging in a sex act that this family newspaper feels unable to report in any more detail.
It is believed that Jimmy "five bellies" Gardner will once again be Gazza's best man on August the 25th . Reverend Marley Jackson will officiate.
