Ron Paul: President or Pornstar?

Funny story: Ron Paul: President or Pornstar?

Presidential hopeful Ron Paul was shocked to the hard core today when a French newspaper conducted an opinion poll asking it's readers what international names they recognized and what position they held in world affairs.

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Fayed warns Middleton will die in Diana bank holiday copycat 'accident'

Funny story: Fayed warns Middleton will die in Diana bank holiday copycat 'accident'

London - (Ass mess): Mohammed Fayed has told the police he thinks Kate Middleton will "die in a Diana bank holiday copycat car accident" this month.

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Woman Arrested For Eating Pussy

Funny story: Woman Arrested For Eating Pussy

LONDON (Defecated News) - It is story that has shocked many animal lovers, but none more than Gladys Funk of East London, who caught her daughter cooking Gladys's cat. The story started some years back when Gladys had invited her...

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Chinese Plane Explodes, Fire Crew Condemn Lead Undercarriage

Funny story: Chinese Plane Explodes, Fire Crew Condemn Lead Undercarriage

Naha, Japan - (Toxic Mess): Firemen condemned deadly toxic lead in the undercarriage of an exploded plane - a China Airlines Boeing 737-800 jetliner which burst into a fireball today on the tarmac in Okinawa.

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Dennis Kucinich Missing and Presumed Tiny

Funny story: Dennis Kucinich Missing and Presumed Tiny

The Presidential Campaign Headquarters of Ohio Rep Dennis Kucinich was found locked and ransacked when staffers returned to work this morning. All damage occurred from about 3 feet high down to the floor. Representative Kucinich was missing - He an...

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Red Wine Good For Your Heart, Says Notorious Drunken Bastard

Funny story: Red Wine Good For Your Heart, Says Notorious Drunken Bastard

Notorious drunken bastard Leon Elpings insists that a good glass of pinot cuts cholesterol and keeps away toenail fungus.

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Grizzlies suffer acute food poisoning as man found mauled in Belgrade Zoo cage

Funny story: Grizzlies suffer acute food poisoning as man found mauled in Belgrade Zoo cage

Belgrade, Serbia - (Ass mess): Veterinary surgeons worked around the clock today to save two grizzly bears from death by food poisoning after the lifeless body of a man was found in their enclosure at Belgrade Zoo.

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'Stone Disease' could become pandemic

Funny story: 'Stone Disease' could become pandemic

The first cases of a disease which causes people to turn to stone have been confirmed in Berkshire. Hospital staff have so far refused to comment on how the four victims may have contracted the disease, but it is believed to be caused by a mutated fo...

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Sellafield landfill site prepares final resting place for Old Fatty Mountbatten

Funny story: Sellafield landfill site prepares final resting place for Old Fatty Mountbatten

Sellafield, Cumbria - (Ass Mess): Having fought off fierce competition from the Vatican Crypt and Chernobyl in the Ukraine, the Sellafield landfill site that forms part of the former Magnox nuclear fuel reprocessing plant will host the final resting...

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Atlanta Falcons Quarterback Michael Vick To Guest-Star In "The Dog Whisperer"

Funny story: Atlanta Falcons Quarterback Michael Vick To Guest-Star In "The Dog Whisperer"

(Surry County, VA) Football star and Nike spokesman Michael Vick has just signed on to guest-star on the popular National Geographic channel series "The Dog Whisperer."...

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Fat slags blame virus not greed for obesity

Funny story: Fat slags blame virus not greed for obesity

Science International Knowledge Symposium, London - (Ass Mess): First blue-eyed Arians were lauded as more intelligent than their brown-eyed counter-parts.

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Corruption protesters superglue themselves to BP HQ gates

Funny story: Corruption protesters superglue themselves to BP HQ gates

St James's Square, London - (Outrageous Mess): Hundreds of anti-corruption protesters have super-glued themselves to the gates outside BP's palatial London headquarters following reports that the oil company's disgraced former CEO Lord Br...

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Referee Sent Off For Sending Himself Off

Funny story: Referee Sent Off For Sending Himself Off

Referees' chief Rob Thickett has confirmed that referee Rob Smiles will miss next weekend's Premier League match after giving himself a red card in the game between Liverpool and Chelsea at Anfield yesterday.

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Local Man's Dream Of Becoming Rodeo Clown Not Cute Anymore

Funny story: Local Man's Dream Of Becoming Rodeo Clown Not Cute Anymore

Ever since Aaron Kopecknik first knew how to talk he has expressed his desire to become a rodeo clown.

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Mayor Adam West Sues "Family Guy" Producers For Copyright Infringement

Funny story: Mayor Adam West Sues "Family Guy" Producers For Copyright Infringement

Quahog mayor Adam West announced that he would be suing "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane and 20th Century Fox for copyright infringement for using his likeness and voice in the top-rated cartoon series.

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Troubleshooter Not Up To Scratch

Funny story: Troubleshooter Not Up To Scratch

THE Royal Mail last night announced they had terminated the contract of renowned troubleshooter Sir John Harvey-Jones after he proposed substituting postmen for cats.

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Britney Spears Tucks In Kids, Reads Them "Curious George"

Funny story: Britney Spears Tucks In Kids, Reads Them "Curious George"

Informants close to the songstress report that last Thursday Britney Spears had tucked her two boys into bed and read them "Curious George."...

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Labor Day shotgun wedding as Jenna Bush pregnancy rumors soar

Funny story: Labor Day shotgun wedding as Jenna Bush pregnancy rumors soar

Washington DC - (Ass mess & ReuterUs): Expect a shotgun wedding at the White House on Labor Day! That is the rumor spreading like wildfire across Capitol Hill this week as medical sources close to the White House confirm that Jenna Bush is gestating...

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Doherty arrested after selling coke patches at V festival

Funny story: Doherty arrested after selling coke patches at V festival

Stafford - (Ass Mess): Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty was under arrest again today on suspicion of selling intra-cutaneous cocaine patches at the V Festival in Stafford this weekend.

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Prayers for Diana released by Archbishop of Canterbury

Funny story: Prayers for Diana released by Archbishop of Canterbury

Westminster Abbey - (Arsehole Press): The Archbishop of Canterbury has penned two prayers ahead of credible rumors that the Serious and Organised Crime Squad is about to bust him for peddling bigamous weddings to wannabe royal scoungers, just days aw...

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Cruise Nazi movie cursed as eleven extras hospitalised

Funny story: Cruise Nazi movie cursed as eleven extras hospitalised

Berlin, Germany - (Ass Mess): Sabotage or a portent of impending disaster at the box-office?...

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SEXFLASH! Big Brother Tracey Well'ard Hasn't Had SEX Since March 23rd

Funny story: SEXFLASH! Big Brother Tracey Well'ard Hasn't Had SEX Since March 23rd

Tracey Well'ard, the cleaner with the pink mop, made a shocking revelation in the Big Brother house at the weekend, when she told another housemate that she last had sex on 23rd March.

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Fruit Can Cause AIDS, Cancer and STDs

Funny story: Fruit Can Cause AIDS, Cancer and STDs

LONDON (Defecated News) - The World Health Organisation (WHO) released a report last week in which it was announced that 'Fruit Is An Evil Bastard Food'.

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New Arkansas Law Allows Minor Marriage

Funny story: New Arkansas Law Allows Minor Marriage

A new Arkansas law, designed to help pregnant teenagers get married, is written as a boon to pedophiles and child sellers. The law allows children of any age, including toddlers, to be married with parental consent. When the recent state bill was...

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Bush: Iraqi Democracy Doesn't Include Self-Determination or Self-Rule

Funny story: Bush: Iraqi Democracy Doesn't Include Self-Determination or Self-Rule

George Bush said on Friday that the newly established institutions of Democracy in Iraq, are not there to allow them to run their own country.

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Amy Winehouse tops "Most Appropriate Name" poll

Funny story: Amy Winehouse tops "Most Appropriate Name" poll

Bee-hived songstress Amy Winehouse has smashed the opposition in a survey to find the world's most aptly named celebrity.

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Many Americans Are Stupid - Proven Fact.

Funny story: Many Americans Are Stupid - Proven Fact.

NEW YOIK (Defecated News) - A form of technology has allowed scientists to ascertain the level of human intelligence from visual photographic means. The result show, without a doubt, that many Americans are as thick as pig-shit.

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Prostitute Pensioner Claims Prize

Funny story: Prostitute Pensioner Claims Prize

VALENCIA, Spain (Defectated News) - After sixty-five years in the profession, there's plenty that Rosana Arbelo can teach the youngsters about being a whore. With such devotion to the job and customer satisfaction as a num...

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City Sing the Blues for "Earnest" United

MANCHESTER CITY supporters expressed "mixed feelings" after their team overcame United in the Manchester derby.

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Babe Ruth Tells Elvis Presley, Don't Be Cruel

Funny story: Babe Ruth Tells Elvis Presley, Don't Be Cruel

At a press conference at Yankee Stadium yesterday, The Babe staged a brief return from the dead to complain that the noting of the anniversary of his death (August 16, 1948) always pales in comparison to that of Elvis Presley (August 16, 197...

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U.S. Open to Adopt New Tennis Ball! Federer Cries Foul!

Funny story: U.S. Open to Adopt New Tennis Ball! Federer Cries Foul!

Flushin Meadows, NY - U.S. Open Officials today announced a radical change to this year's U.S. Open Tennis Championships. Over the years the ball has change from white to yellow and perhaps the most radical change would be the "felt" or...

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Fred Dalton Thompson Appears at Iowa State Fair

Funny story: Fred Dalton Thompson Appears at Iowa State Fair

Supporters were hoping he was there to formally announce his candidacy for presidency. No such luck.

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Hillary To Give All Poor People 50K A year

Funny story: Hillary To Give All Poor People 50K A year

(Washington) - Presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, embarrassed by the number of poor people in the U.S., and wanting their vote, today pledged that, if elected, she will give every poor person in America $50,000 a year for the rest of their live...

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Spy On You RFID going public with Chinese bid

Funny story: Spy On You RFID going public with Chinese bid

Government securities firm SpyOnYou.com has announced partnership with China's medical establishment.

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Im ticked!

Funny story: Im ticked!

Hi all, yes we are here, moved to Missouri close to family, unpacked, tierd, and ready to get into the pool. But, Let me tell you what I'm not ready for.

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Cluedo

Funny story: Cluedo

Any truth in the rumour that they are inventing a new Cluedo game, "Who relegated Sheffield United?" Was it Chairman Brown in the Boleyn Ground with the dodgy signing? Or Professor Benitez in the Cottage with the dodgy selection? Or most likely, Colonel Warnock in the Premiership with the shit team!...

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