Lord Browne is Bush Senior's Son says London Blackshirts Whore
London - (ReUterus - Ass Mess): A former sex worker for the Reagan/Bush1 Administrations of 1980 - 1988 has told the Anti-Terrorist branch at Scotland Yard today that she is the mother of disgraced, perjurying douchebag and former BP CEO Lord Browne...
Read full storyJ.K. Rowling's new literary work: 'Hogwart's Great Hall of Culinary Cuisine'; re-titled something insulting to Yanks in America
New York, New York - The latest to jump on the treadmill of dieting books that Americans just cannot seem to get enough of these days, J.K. Rowling has surprised everyone with her recent announcement that she has sent her latest completed literary wo...
Read full storyLord Chamberlain bars Kate Middleton from Diana Memorial nostaligafest
Buckingham Palace - (Ass mess): Kate Middleton has been officially barred from next Friday's Princess Diana memorial service at the Central Neasden Mosque after Buckingham Palace's Lord Chamberlain, Lord Luce-Cannon, said "no slappers, t...
Read full storyFeds probe Abramoff links to gay Cuban rent boys and death of Florida GOP consultant
Orlando, Florida = (Ass Mess): FBI sources are investigating a gay Cuban rent boy club - the Havana-based Bochinche originally located in Costa Rica - regarding the death of Republican campaign aide Ralph Gonzales, a bosom pal of GOP Florid...
Read full storyTeenage gun crime - police arrest "the community"
Following criticisms by politicians, the media and the church of the community for allowing horrifying gun crime to stalk the streets of England like a big stalking thing, the police have acted swiftly and arrested "the community"
Read full storyA troubled ex-astronaut, Lisa Nowak, asks court to remove ankle monitor; requests dog leash instead
Orlando, Florida - Former astronaut, Lisa Nowak, appeared in court today asking the judge to removed the court ordered electronic monitoring ankle bracelet, reportedly because it obstructs her ability to drive across county, sleep in underground park...
Read full storyNew Republican Strategy: Get 'Em While They're Woozy
"I'm the president's attorney. Let us in to see Attorney General Ashcroft."...
Read full storyTouching from Behind
July 19, 2006, was the most memorable date for Angela Merkel, a divorcee with no children, at Group of Eight Summit, when George W. Bush stealthily crept behind her and gave her an unsolicited neck rub while she was speaking with Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi.
Read full storyCelebrity Big Racist 2008 dumped
London - (Rioters): It's over. Channel 4 has dumped Celebrity Big Racist 2008 after commerical sponsors revolted and refused to associate themselves with a racism-fuelled product showcasing Essex-girl fat slags disguised as starlets.
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Axed To Combat Racism
Celebrity Big Brother, the show at the centre of a major racism row, will not be back on our screens next year, according to gossip garnered by this writer on a bus today.
Read full storyScientists replicate out-of-body experience
London Paranormal Symposium - (Ass Mess): Scientists have replicated a chain of events that has triggered out-of-body experiences previously confined to traditional gastric voidings.
Read full storyManchester United Sign Horse To Replace Heinze
Manchester United, the Premier League Chumpions after failing to record a single victory in any of their first three games this season, have made a surprising swoop into the transfer market to replace Gabriel...
Read full storySu Pollard to run for London Mayor; Paul Shane to Run for King
Su Pollard, star of comedy classics Hi-De-Hi, and Oh, Dr Beeching has announced her bid to run as Mayor of London, against Ken Livingstone and Boris Johnson.
Read full storyRichie's 82 minute pit stop
Lynwood Jail, Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): Sherrif Lee Baca's a popular man in Hollywood yet again after Simple Life star Nicole Richie made a celebrity pit-stop at the Paris Hilton Suite at Lynwood Correctional Facility following the impos...
Read full storyI really do nothing very much at all says Victoria Beckham
After a long hard look at herself, professional wife Victoria Beckham stated - "I really do nothing very much at all."...
Read full storySchools to ban Violins and Recorders
In a move to ease the suffering of parents across the world, schools will now have a universal ban on Violins and Recorders being used as a form of torture/music making (depending on how much a parent loves their child, and or music).
Read full storySlugs to take over the World
The plans of slugs to take over western civilization are closer than ever to being realised following a bumper season of good weather for the slimy beasts.
Read full storyEnglish Yobs Do Well in Shooting Competitions - Sick Insult
Dr. Heinze Von Gerbil, a retired evil German child psychiatrist, has made a sick joke about English yobs with guns. What does he know?...
Read full storyNazi Undertones discovered in the Flumps
Secret reports leaked from Children's TV under the freedom of information act reveal that there were Nazi Undertones in the beloved Children's Televisual smorgasbord that was the Flumps. It is believed that the Big Book from which Mama Flump...
Read full storyLoony Social Services Stormtroopers take fertilized egg into care
Mr. and Mrs Jones had just settled in for the night in their pleasant home in Surrey and were getting "bu-sy" when there was an almighty thud from their front door followed by the sound of jackboots on the stairs, then thei...
Read full storyCow draws on Blackboard
In Idaho, Daisy, a nine month old fresian cow made history by being the first cow to heifer draw on a blackboard.
Read full storyAnd Google shall inherit the Earth
Washington D.C. (The Lies) - Search engine giant, Google, is planning to take over the world one bit at a time. A disturbing trend has formed as Google acquires the best and brightest of the IT world, forming a unstoppable on line beast.
Read full storyQuebec Police Place Thugs in North American Union Protest
MONTEBELLO - Quebec provincial police acknowledged in a statement Thursday that their secret agents had infiltrated protesters demonstrating against the recent North American Union summit held here in Montebello, Quebec, and admitted that they were &...
Read full storyJesus: That's all Folks
CHRISTIANS have been left stunned by the news that Jesus ISN'T planning a second coming.
Read full storyMother Theresa's Crisis of Confidence Revealed
Newly released musings by love child Mother Theresa reveal a woman chewed up with uncertainty and doubt about her personal style for the last fifty years of her life.
Read full storyWestminster Palace to be redeveloped
As part of Gordon Brown's New New Labour he has decided that in-order to encourage inter-party conflict, and put the conservatives back in their original place, the House of commons should become a football stadium.
Read full storyCal-el Fights to Unite the World in Peace
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Earth - Cal-el returned from the Fortress of Solitude today where he hangs out when Kal-el isn't there. He just reported that he has used the Kryptonian crystal SuperDuper Computer to unite the world in Peace.
Read full storyYou Really Can Get "It" on E-Bay
(Roto-Rooters Wire Report) -- NEW YORK - Scientists at the Nothing-Better-To-Study Research Institute have announced that popular internet auction website eBay really is a source of anything imaginable.
Read full storyMadonna and Justin(e) to lock lips at up coming MTV awards in Las Vegas next month; Madonna feels young again
Hollywood, California - Although it is rumored that Justin is Madonna's new boy-toy, in actuality, the two have been secretly rehearsing together in preparation for their joint performance on stage at the up coming MTV awards in Las Vegas next mo...
Read full storyAstronomers Discover Huge Nothingness in Space
MINNEAPOLIS (FMLiveWire) --Astronomers have discovered a tremendous nothingness out in the universe, which has them worried and wondering about what is not there.
Read full storyRon Paul has sex with Woman
Peter Skizinski, a 42-year-old masonry worker and self-professed "peeping tom", admitted to the news media that he saw Texas Representative and aspiring Presidential candidate Ron Paul fornicating with an unknown woman last night as he stoo...
Read full storyLondoners respond to Britney's invasion of their beloved city; Sir Elton John extends his assistance in this time of crisis
London, England - Some say Britney is trying to run away from K-Fed; others that she is running back into the arms Justin (whom they say she secretly wants away from Madonna); still other's say it is all of the above. Whatever the cause for the m...
Read full storySanjaya From American Idle will Replace Karl Rove
Washington (IP) - Sanjaya will replace Karl Rove as President Bush's chief advisor on September 1st. Sanjaya appeared on American idle and was the darling of tearful prepubescent girls with IQ's often reaching as high as an average person...
Read full storyAstronomers Discover Nothing in the Universe
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Astronomers have discovered nothing in an area of the universe one billion light years across. Many astronomers are puzzled by this large lack of anything but others are proposing theories as to what the nothing plac...
Read full storyRicard Turns to Spike TV for Political Ads
Upstate New York (Reuterus) - In an attempt to secure crucial swing votes among non-Japanese Asian-Americans, Michael Ricard has decided to run 30-second political ads during the show 'MXC' on Spike TV.
Read full storyThree Little Kittens No Longer Need Mittens
Everyone Knows that the three little kittens have lost their mittens and don't know where to find them. After years of searching Fluffy, Buffy and Bob have given up. But the failure to retrieve the lost kitten-sized mittens is not a total defea...
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