London - (ReUterus - Ass Mess): A former sex worker for the Reagan/Bush1 Administrations of 1980 - 1988 has told the Anti-Terrorist branch at Scotland Yard today that she is the mother of disgraced, perjurying douchebag and former BP CEO Lord Browne after five years as an indentured sex slave to George Herbert Bush.
The mystery woman, known only as Mrs Doris Bonkers, of 39 The Acacias, Upper Wormingford, Barking, stunned police chief with her claims after showing them documents proving her British Fascist Party relatives sold her "just after the 1947 royal wedding" to the Cuban mobster impersonating the life and ID of George Herbert Prescott Bush - the ruthless sex offender son of Hitler's Pope Pius XII.
"It was an unofficial part of the Bretton-Woods Agreement," Bonkers said today.
"And then the next thing I knew I was up the duff from that bastard Geli who has enjoyed such as spectacular career as george Herbert Bush.
"Naturally I tried to get rid of the brat as soon as possible but things were tricky in those days.
"So a friend of the Mountbattens took care of the business and squirreled the brat away as soon as he was born.
"The next thing I know he's a grown man and up there with the worst of them, Chief Executive Officer of the British petroleum Company. I ask you.
"And now the Law Lords have branded him a douchebag lying scumbag who'll never work again.
"Ha! But I've fixed 'em good and proper! Just got him a brand new job today as European managing director of New-York based Riverstone Holdings LLC, a GOP slush-fund masquarading as an equity firm.
"Maybe now he'll bail out his poor old mum who's being houded mercilessly in yet another gerrymandering housing scam.
"Lordluvus!"
