The plans of slugs to take over western civilization are closer than ever to being realised following a bumper season of good weather for the slimy beasts.
With a population of more than 60 Billion in this country alone, the Slugs are said to fear nothing but the reach of their own ambition and table salt. They claim that the salt in the sea will stop them from colonising the whole world, and instead they will only concentrate their efforts on England, leaving Wales to the Woodlouse, and Scotland to Silverfish.
A spokesman for the army said: "My God, this is really bad news, both for the population at large, and also the many crops that need to be Slug free. Boffins usually tell us how bad Salt is for us, but this is one time where I would like to see scientific fact beat brute force.
GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRrr. Come on, we are ready for you. What are you waiting for?"
