Ashley Tisdale Will Be Opening An Elementary School
Ashley Tisdale is to open up a publicly funded elementary school in Needham, Massachusetts. Ashley Tisdale today announced plans to create a publicly funded elementary school, at a corporate board meeting in Massachusetts. The school will be par...
Read full storyParis Hilton May Have To Have Brain Transplant
Only days after doctors told Paris Hilton to take it easy for awhile and try not to think of anything, especially anything stupid, they've come forward to say that tests show she is absolutely got to have a brain transplant as soon as possible and ar...
Read full storyChaz Bono, Matthew McConaughey Sighted Jogging Shirtless in Brentwood
LOS ANGELES, CA - Sonny and Cher's sexually shape-shifting son and the Big Screen's brawny but brainless beef broker were spotted jogging along San Vicente Blvd near the Brentwood Country Club this morning, very sweaty and very bare-chested. Thoug...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus 'BJ' Photo Analysis
Hollywood, CA - A photo of Miley Cyrus in an advanced state of undress and eating a banana and jam sandwich is likely real, according to an anonymous expert with the Center of Forensic Food Pathologists in Washington D.C. Said the source, "Analysi...
Read full storyFill in the ......... - YOU decide
The ......... Party today announced new initiatives to ........ ........ in the British political ......... Prime Minister ......... ....... stated that the ........ scandal was not his ....... and should not be ...... against his ........ L...
Read full storySpoof Writer Accepts Gitmo Detainee Into SC Retirement Home!
Pawleys Island, SC/ Waccamaw Times - As a sign of tough economic times, a Struggling, Retired Spoof Writer, has agreed to accept a high profile Muslim Terrorist into his home in exchange for the standard $10m Tarp Terrorist Housing Fee offered by the...
Read full storyGrey squirrels in protest shocker
Grey squirrels are seeking protection from ethnic cleansing in a new bid to establish immigration rights in the UK. It was emphatically not the Tufty Club. It was emphatically not Squirrel Nutkin. It was emphatically not the anti-split-infinitive...
Read full storyBlue Ensign among the Hamptons
Nevada - (Crossed Fingers Promise Keepers): Nevada Senator John Ensign completed a GOP tossers trifecta this week of Larry Craig (Ida Ho!) and David Vitter (Lousy-Anna) when his godly manhood was caught out shagging Senate colleague Douglas Hampton's...
Read full storyWoody Allen Thinks Man Who Left Crap On Floor May Have Had Eboli Virus
With new cases of the Eboli Virus coming to light by the day overseas, actor/director Woody Allen is afraid that the man who rushed by him Tuesday night and ran into the bathroom, may have had the Eboli Virus but is afraid to mention it to the autho...
Read full storyDogs and Cats Are Better Than Kids
Dogs and Cats Are Better Than Kids Because They: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college an...
Read full storyMexican Zombies Set To Enter Big Brother House
Three new housemates are set to enter the Big Brother house tomorrow; but they aren't boring this time! Juan, Carlos, and Jose are set to the enter the house wearing poncho and sombrero and carryin maracas. But they won't become real housemates. T...
Read full storyFuel prices to fall to 50-year low
In a startling, but very welcome, disclosure the OPEC countries have announced that from now on, they will give away raw petroleum and deliver it free to refineries. This should ensure that full prices at the pump will fall to historic lows in a v...
Read full storyObama's fly - swatting TV antics revealed as a mega-spoof!
Barack Obama caught sensationally swatting a fly whilst being interviewed on CNBC has now been revealed as a mega-spoof. Obama asked the CNBC especially to release a fly during the interview so as to enhance his "I'm as normal as the guy next door...
Read full storyCitizens of Tehran, Los Angeles, Hold World Spanning Riot Fest
Los Angeles, CA - While citizens of Los Angeles celebrate the Los Angeles Lakers winning the NBA championship by rioting, citizens of Tehran, Iran continue to throw rocks at police and authority figures to demonstrate their anger towards a slanted el...
Read full storyPresident Obama Names Chastity Bono To Head Up The Penal System
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama after meeting with Vice-President Joe Biden and the 'First Mama' Michelle has decided to name Chastity Bono, 40, to be the new executive director of the United states Penal Department. The president aware...
Read full storyUK Brassed Off Over Waterboarding
Tower of London, UK (FTB newswire) Visitors to the Tower of London are sure to be disappointed at the absence of the waterboarding display. The favorite attraction was axed after a protest from the U.S. Water boarding was known to be a favorite fo...
Read full storyMan "Phasered" to Death at Sci-Fi Convention
Baltimore, Maryland - A murder investigation began after a young man met his death yesterday at the twice yearly "SciFiAnnualCon" in Baltimore. His bloody body was found in a dumpster outside the conference center. He had been beaten with several rep...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Offers To Adopt Willow Palin
NEW YORK CITY - In a move to show that he is really not the horrible animal that some people have painted him out to be David Letterman today reached out to Governor Sarah Palin and offered to adopt her 14-year-old daughter Willow Palin. The talk...
Read full storySarah Palin forced to apologize
The Pitbulls United Society (PUS) is up in arms that Sarah Palin has forced Letterman to apologize about "joking" about her daughter. After all Sarah is the one who named her, could there be a worse joke? Anyway PUS now says that Sarah's previou...
Read full storyMoto Gp Catalunya
MUGGED! What was Gorgeous George doing leaving that gap. I'm no gp rider but even I know you do not give the master the slightest sniff of a gap and expect him not to go for it. Rossi was clearly always going to do that, even if he was or wasn't in the way.... That is proper fairing bashing. Old skool racing, What a race. Those two aside, who wants to see Casey on a Repsol Honda or another '...
Read full storyObama Kills Fly During TV Interview - PETA Outraged
Washington, DC - As a result of President Obama executing a fly during a CNBC television interview, calls came in from the PETA organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, for the President's immediate resignation. "It's an outrage,...
Read full storyAnimal Activists protest Brooke Shields latest movie 'The Flu Lagoon'
New York, New York, New York, NY - Iconic actress Brooke Shields, 45, is about to release her latest movie, the long awaited sequel to her 1982 hit movie The Blue Lagoon, despite a wave of protest and controversy. The sequel, The Flu Lagoon, was f...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan topless pictures reveal gem implants
Pictures posted by Lindsay Lohan on her Twitter page show her naked from the waist up with only her long blonde hair covering her modesty. However, an eagle-eyed detective investigating an alleged gem theft has discovered what he claims are diamonds...
Read full storyIraq Cheese Sales Skyrocket
The sale of cheese from Iraq, named 'Iraq Cheese' has risen 450% in the last 3 months. Many believe the reason for this is the consumer's curiosity of what Iraq's cheese tastes like. Also the price is amazingly good value for money, at just £1.06...
Read full storyPatrick Farrow: frantic search for Hutchence/Carradine-style auto-asphyxiation paraphernalia
Castleton, Vermont - (RIP Mess): Conspiracy winguts are trawling cyberspace for the merest hint of 'silken ropes' and/or 'anal nightrate' following the suspicious death at a Vermont gallery today of Mia Farrow's sculptor brother Patrick. Farrow, 6...
Read full storySarah Palin's Non-Nude Political Plan
WASILLA, Alaska - Governor Sarah Palin confided to her next door neighbor Twilla Tallygaroopna that her and husband Todd's political plan worked like a charm. The governor confessed that she will not have to end up posing nude in PlayMale Magazin...
Read full storyLeaked Document Shows Brown's B.A.P.S.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown is the centre of more controversy today about his radical plans to cure the UK's recession. In a document found attached to the back of a stray dog, there has been strong evidence to show Mr Brown setting up a group cal...
Read full storyRihanna Being Sued, Twice!
According to several stories on the internet, Rihanna is being sued at least twice, perhaps three times. It's getting hard to keep up. In one case, she is being sued by Manu Dibango for using part of his licensed song, "Soul Makossa" whom he had g...
Read full storyRottweiler adopts abandoned talk show host, Jay Leno
Los Angeles, CA - A rottweiler belonging to a part-time Beverly Hills pool cleaner and illegal alien, Alberta Quinones, has adopted former Tonight Show host, Jay Leno. "My dog Murphy," said Quinones, "..is very protective. Once a little child trie...
Read full storyInquiry of Enquiries
Were there WMDs or was Britain maliciously duped into a war on the premise of sweets, love, puppies and global peace? Fortunately we will now be able to read about it in six months time as the UK government will be performing an inquiry into the...
Read full storyMajor Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-7
o You look very angry. o Do you know why I am angry? o No, Sir. o You deceived my uncle, right on that boulder, Yusef; do you remember him? o Now, I do, sir. For the same reason I would like for you to have me. o Will that suffice? o Of course, not. Your uncle lost his flock. o What was your share? o Nothing, Sir. I am a whore. They have hired me to do the job. I get a fixed pay. How coul...
Read full storyManchester United will spend Ronaldo £80 million 'on chocolate'
In a surprise announcement today, Manchester United revealed how they intended to spend the money generated by Ronaldo's move to Real Madrid. Many fans, though, will be disappointed by exactly how that money will be used. Rather than buy a replac...
Read full storyIgor Stravinsky conducts FreeBird on YouTube
To celebrate Igor Stravinsky's birthday, his estate has released a previously unseen film of the renowned Russian composer conducting a performance of FreeBird performed in 1971 by Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra. The film has...
Read full storySwine Flu now reaches 81
Swine Flu in Pertia has now reached 81 victims. The second last case discovered was a 7 year old Grade 1 student who smokes cigarettes. He felt a little sick with a cough yesterday and stayed home from school. He got a vaccine and then the sympto...
Read full storyMaddie: were MPs' expense claims to blame?
The scandal of MPs' extravagant expenses took a new twist last night when it was suggested that the claims made by MPs may have contributed to the abduction of Madeleine McCann. The Daily Telegraph has published new information that shows that Edw...
Read full storyAyatollah Kakamami Names Dick Cheney to Iranian Presidency
Iran's election crisis with accusations of stolen votes, butterflied ballots and much bull shiite has brought throngs of protesters to the streets and Iranian women throwing off their burqas to display Victorian not-so-secret thongs for all the mulla...
Read full storyLebron Eats Kobe Beef
A monumental wager between the LA Laker's leader Kobe Bryant and the Cleveland Cavalier's superstar, Lebron James brought suddemly not so cavalier Sir James to his knees on the walk of fame in front of Grauman's Chinese in the City of the Angels. Leb...
Read full storyJoaquin Phoenix Hired To Be The Fifth American Idol Judge
HOLLYWOOD - The producers of American Idol Carole King and Neil Sedaka have just announced that they are adding a fifth judge for the upcoming ninth season of American Idol. Sedaka stated that an American Idol committe made up of 20 individuals in...
Read full storyObama The Fly Killer
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama showed once again that no one or nothing is gonna mess with the President of the United States. The president was being interviewed by Sports Illustrated's Ellis "Spitball" Appleyard when a fly started fly...
Read full storySwine Flu Virus Created In US Lab As Part Of Weapons Research
A retired government scientist has made an extraordinary allegation that the Swine Flu virus, H1N1, is the result of genetic testing that went disastrously wrong at a US research laboratory in Georgia. The man, Reginald Dwyer, 68, worked at the US...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and Adam Lambert To Star With Ron Jeremy in "Digital Switchover"
HOLLYWOOD - Angelina Jolie and Adam Lambert will be appearing with Ron Jeremy in Bandini Borrapelli's production of Digital Switchover. The movie takes place in Brentwood, California. Lambert and Jeremy star as TV cable repairmen Billy Yastremski...
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