Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 17 June 2009

image for President Obama Names Chastity Bono To Head Up The Penal System
Chastity Bono demonstrating the long lost art of cigarette fortune telling.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama after meeting with Vice-President Joe Biden and the 'First Mama' Michelle has decided to name Chastity Bono, 40, to be the new executive director of the United states Penal Department.

The president aware of the fact that Bono will be going through sexual reassignement surgery has confered with Bono's personal physician, Doctor Cornell Lumberport, 76.

Dr. Lumberport said that regarding the Penal Department executive director's functions, Bono will be able to perform them as a man just as easily as she could as a woman.

He added that unlike NFL football, human cannonballing, or bullfighting, the executive director's job can be done without regard to gender.

Dr. Lumberport further stated that in his opinion Bono will be even more qualified after the sex change surgery because she/he will be able to look at the various penal situations, predicaments, and contingencies from both sides so to speak.

Chastity Bono who will soon become Chaz Bono recently told ABC's Charlie Gibson that she will be giving all of her 'girly' clothes to Courtney Love.

She said that her and her mom, the flamboyant and much-tattooed Cher will both be going shopping for men's clothes, work boots, boxer shorts, gimme caps, jock straps, a catcher's mitt, and condoms.

Chaz has said that she has already perfected the male art of spitting, binge drinking, and the number one all-time male requirement, the obligatory grabbing of the crotch.

She confessed that last week she spent over three hours in front of her bathroom mirror practicing to say guy things like, "Hey cupcake, what's your sign?" "Hello lips of love, do you come here often?" and "I'm sure you remember meeting me before, I'm the one that got in bed with you and within two minutes had you screaming at the top of your luscious lungs like a crazed, sex-starved banshee."

The president said that since Bono will be new to the Washington, D.C. area that he and Michelle have agreed to let 'him' stay in one of the White House guest bedrooms for up to four weeks.

In pressing news. The Pocatello Daily Spud Newspaper has said that they will be closing down at the end of the month. They stated that they need a new press, but that they cannot afford it seeing as how their daily circulation in just the past six months has gone down from 1,349 newspapers to 8 newspapers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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