Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 17 June 2009

image for David Letterman Offers To Adopt Willow Palin
The Palin Children's backyard tree house (photo courtesy of Sean Hannity).

NEW YORK CITY - In a move to show that he is really not the horrible animal that some people have painted him out to be David Letterman today reached out to Governor Sarah Palin and offered to adopt her 14-year-old daughter Willow Palin.

The talk show host said that he has talked to his attorney Hacienda Kaprinsky and that she has already drawn up all of the necessary legal adoption papers.

Governor Palin reportedly fired back, "Hey hold on there pal, not so freakin' fast. This ain't no McDonald's fast food drive-thru window we're talkin' about here."

Palin then stated that she had not even been able to discuss that matter with her husband Todd since he has been up at the extreme North Pole hunting the very rare North Pole midget polar bears.

In the meantime the Alaskan governor expressed her surprise at the sudden turn around in Letterman's attitude.

She raised her Revlon eyebrows and said that she could not help but wonder if maybe the fact that the Palin's had filed a $17 million lawsuit against the late night talk show host may have had something to do with Mr. Letterman's sudden, new found docile-like attitude.

Letterman spokesperson Darcy Ann Tattersoll said that she was 91 percent certain that the lawsuit had absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with Letterman's decision to adopt Willow.

Tattersoll added that Mr. Letterman has even expressed an earnest desire to adopt all of the five Palin children Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig as well as grandbaby Tripp.

A Letterman assistant added that the CBS talk show host was in such a jovial adoption mood that he remarked that he kind of felt like Madonna and Angelina Jolie all rolled into one.

He confessed that he is so excited about adopting all of the Palin children and grandchild that he even remarked to his wife, that if Todd were to knockup Sarah and she ends up with twins that he would even be willing to adopt the twins who would probably be named Twig and Twit.

Meanwhile in other news, the Vatican has sent a message to North Korea that it had better cut out all of this 'missile launching' shit or else it will send over 80 nuns with wooden rulers to do some major North Korean knuckle-knocking.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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