In a startling, but very welcome, disclosure the OPEC countries have announced that from now on, they will give away raw petroleum and deliver it free to refineries.
This should ensure that full prices at the pump will fall to historic lows in a very short time.
A spokesbeing for Shell Petroleum, Mr Alonzo d'Fenestron commented - "It is not as simple as you seem to think".
When asked for clarification he stated that there are many factors to take into account before the pump price is determined. "Exploration costs to ensure future supplies, refining, marketing, those plastic glasses you get with 4 gallons - these all cost money".
"And then there is the need for a decent return on investment for our shareholders" he went on.
In fact, he explained the coat of raw petroleum has never had any influence on the pump price. "It is more to do with greed, opportunism and government policy - after all, the more it costs per gallon, the more Gordon gets"!
The conference degraded into uproar.