Football (Soccer) Spoof News

8 July 2020

Harry Maguire Wants To Leave Manchester United

You couldn't make it up! Only two weeks after the official restart of the Premier League season, and Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has said that he wants to leave Old Trafford in the summer! Roundly criticised for his inept performa...

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The SPL and Aberdeen

With Covid-19 slowing its murderous dance across the world, sports are beginning to start up again, albeit with no spectators. Every sport has been affected in its own unique way: rugby teams, for example, have had to cut down on throwing dwarves aro...

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Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Spoken To By Police In Connection With Fan Abduction Incident

Police in Norfolk have said they have spoken to the Manchester United captain and England defender, Harry Maguire, about an incident in which they say a fan was abducted outside Carrow Road after the FA Cup quarter-final tie between Norwich and Unit...

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Football Riot Sparks Call For Change In Policing

A major disturbance during a top football match sparked calls for improved security and policing if a repeat of the disgraceful scenes of violence was to be avoided. The incident happened way back in 1974, but I've only just remembered it. The...

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Liverpool Players Claim They Were 'Put Off' By Saxophonist

After the most bizarre Merseyside Derby in living memory at the weekend, players of both Liverpool and Everton say they were "nervous to start with", but became increasingly so when they couldn't concentrate because of the relaxing tunes being played...

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Spain’s Leading Matador Will Be Playing Professional Soccer in The USA

NEW YORK CITY – Zorro La Bamba, with Sports Bet Gazette, is reporting that Spain’s leading bullfighter, Joaquin Beauregard Gazpacho, has just signed a contract to play for the New York Red Bulls of Major League Soccer (MLS) in the United States. T...

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Harry Maguire Says He Didn't Sign Last Season Because Jose Mourinho Was Manager

Liverpool Title Bid Derailed As Premier League Considers Season Abandonment Due To Coronavirus

FA Cup fever continues despite pandemic

Where are they now? Forbes Phillipson-Masters, Southampton Footballer

AZ Alkmaar Consider Sacking Boss After Failure To Beat Manchester United

Sir Bobby Charlton Is 82 Today!

Liverpool FC In Trouble After Five Fail Drug Tests

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Has Coronavirus Immunity

Manchester United's Harry Maguire Challenges Liverpool's Andy Robertson To A Snooker Match

Manchester United's Harry Maguire Buys Custom-Made Captain's Armband Out Of His Own Money

Cricket to be abolished and replaced by Football

Football Shutdown: Pools Panel To Sit

Manchester United: Captain Harry Maguire On Premier League Re-Start

With the recommencement of the Premier League season just around the corner, and the news, earlier today, that six players from three PL clubs have tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19, Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has spoken ou...

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Football Referees Will ALL Have Coronavirus Symptoms

As the return of football gets ever nearer to its restart, and the completion of the 2019/20 season, it's been announced that ALL of the referees and linesmen officiating at matches will be suffering with COVID-19 symptoms. The strange decision ha...

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Football Setback As 2,500 Players Test Positive For Greed

There was a catastrophe on the eve of the return of the football programme last night, when it was announced that a staggering 2,563 professional football players had tested positive for greed. The infected players came from every club. None ha...

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Racist Bulgarian Ultras So Disgusted, They Left At Halftime

There was another easy three points for the England football team in Sofia last night, as Gareth Southgate's boys absolutely annihilated Bulgaria by a trouncingly-reassuring 6-0 scoreline, settling fans' nerves after last week's poor show in the Czec...

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Manchester United: Harry Maguire Says Lockdown Should Be Optional

Seven weeks into the Coronavirus lockdown, and Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has finally spoken out on the plight of the British public as they writhe and squirm in their homes, fidgeting to get out and into the pubs, shopping centres and...

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Manchester United's Harry Maguire Scores Fantastic Goal During Extra Time In Training

As the return of Premier League football gets ever nearer, there was good news for Manchester United this week, when centeal defender and captain, Harry Maguire, showed he is 'raring to go' by scoring a fantastic individual goal during training. U...

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Racism News: Apes At Zoo Resent Monkey Chanting

Monkeys at a British zoo have called for football fans to stop using monkey chants to taunt black players, as it tends to portray monkeys as somewhat lower on the evolutionary scale than humans, which they resent. Their concerns relate, more speci...

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Racist Bulgarian Ultras Strike Again In England's Heartland

The racism that England players so bravely put up with, turned the other cheek to, and ultimately vanquished, reared its ugly head once more yesterday, this time on home turf, as an exciting FA Cup fourth qualifying round game was ruined by hordes of...

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Tottenham's Eric Dier Does An 'Eric Cantona'

There was controversy at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium last night, when Spurs' England midfielder, Eric Dier, jumped into the crowd to confront some lippy bigmouth that had been directing insults at him and his younger brother in the stands, remindi...

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Paul Pogba Misses Another Penalty

Paul Pogba, the Manchester United star who, after his penalty miss at Wolves the other night, was subjected to a hail of racist comments from people calling themselves United 'fans', has now become the subject of intense media speculation which is cl...

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Harry Maguire Inspiration Behind Re-release Of Sham 69 Single 'Hurry Up, Harry'

Punk rockers, Sham 69, are to honour the world record (for a defender) signing by Manchester United of former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City defender Harry Maguire by re-releasing 'Hurry Up, Harry', their 1978 hit single. Maguire h...

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England Players Subjected To Barrage Of Friendliness In Kosovo

The England squad arrived in Pristina for their Euro 2020 fixture with Kosovo geared-up for a torrent of racist chanting and other unseemly behaviour, but were shocked even beyond their wildest dreams when the thousands of ruffians at the airport beg...

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Manchester City Star Bernardo Silva To Be Brainwashed

After the Football Association announced that they had fined Manchester City striker Bernardo Silva £50,000 and banned him for one match for a 'potentially-racist' tweet he sent to Benjamin Mendy, the club's hierarchy have said that, in order to avoi...

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Liverpool FC Remaining Premier League Fixtures May Be Played On FIFA19

The difficult decision about how the Premier League season should come to its conclusion was thrown into further disarray this afternoon, when it was claimed PL executives were giving serious consideration to a suggestion that the critical remaining...

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