There was sensational news coming out of Old Trafford this morning, as Manchester United captain and England defender, Harry Maguire, made a shock announcement to the effect that he intends to retire from football, and to pursue a career in a different field.
The bombshell came only hours after the player's 31st-minute dismissal in England's 1-0 defeat at the hands of Denmark at Wembley last night.
Maguire, 27, has had a terrible time of things lately. The subject of much criticism from fans and pundits alike, he has found it difficult living up to his £80million transfer price tag, and, several times, has left fans thinking they've signed a Sunday League donkey.
And all this after his 'Greek tragedy' on Mykonos where he was arrested for assaulting local police, whilst 'on holiday' during the Lockdown.
Speaking at a hastily-arranged news conference this morning, Maguire told journalists that he had "had enough", and that he never wanted to see another football as long as he lived.
He said:
"Ah, it's shit playing here. I always hated Manchester United growing up, and I still do. In fact, more than ever, if I'm honest!"
Asked about whether a transfer might not be a better idea than retirement, Maguire said:
"Nah, I'm fed up. Football's crap, and I'm not very good at it, so I might as well 'hang up me boots' now."
As for what he'll do instead, Maguire was unsure.
"Hmm, there's a toughie. Don't know. I could become an astronaut, or a train driver, I suppose. I've always fancied that. Or I could just play conkers and ride about the streets on me bike."
Money won't a problem, as he received a very reasonable cut from his £80million transfer fee, and the Yorkshireman has been stealing in excess of £180,000-a-week off United for well over a year.
"I'll get by," he said, "but if I can't, there's always the dole."
