QPR fans charged 20p to take a leak

Funny story written by Rebel Not Taken

Sunday, 14 August 2011


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Sponsored QPR toilet roll.

Long suffering QPR fans are being charged 20p by their billionaire owners to spend a penny in the newly refurbished toilets.

Supporters flooded into the ground ahead of the opening Premier League fixture against Bolton yesterday but were shocked to find coin operated turnstiles in the bogs:

"Four bob to have a hit and miss, that's two bob" said an angry Bob Shilling from Shepherd's Bush.

The 'pay as you go' urinals are manned by security guards and are activated by a 20p involuntary contribution, or by credit card with an administration fee of £3.50:

"It cost me £3-70 to have a leak. That's taking the piss" said Fred Plebb, a relieved fan from Ruislip.

QPR owner Bernie Ecclestone, 5ft 2", has been accused of cashing in on loyal supporters who get 'taken short':

"It's 20p to have a jimmy riddle and a pony to have a tom tit. How can our owners justify charging us 25 quid to have a pony?" said angry fan Billy Pikey from the White City.

Deluxe cublicles with a free match programme and sponsored toilet paper are also available to Superbra Models and millionaires for £1000 a game:

"The private cubicles have blue and white padded seats and are ideal for corporate entertaining" said Director of Lavatories Flavio Briatore.

But many fans are hopping mad at these new increased charges.

Wally Nonce, a 'regular' of 60 years told how he was frisked as he entered the turnstiles at Loftus Road:

"They confiscated my colostomy bag and told me it would cost me £50 to empty it" said 93 year old Mr Nonce from East Acton.

But QPR Finance Director Gianni Paladini claims the charges are essential if the club are to survive in the Premier League:

"15000 fans taking a leak will provide us with a revenue stream of £3000 for each home game and some of these profits will be released to the manager" said a delighted Paladini.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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