It's been announced that Saints fans are preparing a typically warm Southampton style welcome for the FA Cup visit of deadly local rivals, Portsmouth.
As both clubs have had to deal with harsh reality checks on survival in the football world, an initiative designed by Southampton fans to welcome fans of their near neighbours and deadly rivals - as opposed to knocking seven shades of shit out of one-another, as has traditionally been the norm for decades - will welcome the Fratton Park faithful to the city down the road with open arms.
"We want to show the Pompey lot that there's more to us than fighting, swearing, throwing missiles and conducting sexual relations with sheep," Saints fan's spokesman Strongitharm Hooargh told us. "We'll meet them at the station and hug them in a fraternal way before we escort them on walking tours of Southampton, to show them what they've been missing all these years. After the match, irrespective of the result, we'll hold a disco at the Rosebowl and play lots of smoochy songs so we can all dance together. After all, we're practically family."
"Sounds good to me," Pompey fan Harry Forehead enthused. "It'll be interesting to share a glass or two of Chardonnay with them and swap anecdotes. Five years ago I wouldn't have believed this possible, but now I firmly believe that miracles do happen. Who knows where we can go from here? Maybe a united firm to give Millwall a good kicking. Stranger things have happened."
"I don't believe a bloody word of this," Hampshire Constabulary's Inspector Gene Waistcoat told us. "They're bloody compulsive liars. They'll be all sweetness and light till they get within head-butting range of each other, and then the fun'll start."
In related news, Portsmouth FC this morning announced that it is to open a scrap metal and used car dealership in Havant in a bid to generate extra revenue. Manager Avram Grant was last seen entering an "Industrial Unit" on an Eastleigh industrial estate in a bid to relieve his internal torment after seeing his team get annahilated 5-0 at Old Trafford my a rampant Manchester United.
More as we get it.
