Manchester United Hires The Premier League's First Female Footy

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 29 December 2022

image for Manchester United Hires The Premier League's First Female Footy
Due to Miss Capistrano's addition to Man U, season ticket sales have gone up 29%.

MANCHESTER, England - (Soccer Satire) - History has been made in the UK's world of sports.

Manchester Morning Manc Newspaper reporter Cutter Shiloh, has just broken the story that the Red Devils have just signed the first female soccer player to ever kick the soccer ball in merry olde England.

Shiloh reported that the gal's name is Lolita Capistrano, 24, and she was born in Soho, her favorite band is Led Zeppelin, and her vital stats are 38-24-36.

Miss Capistrano says that up until a month ago she was dating one of the members of the heavy metal British band, Camel Toe.

SIDENOTE: Most of the Man U roster has expressed their congrats to Lolita, and openly welcomed her to the team, except for Birmingham native midfielder, Silus Crumpweather, who is reportedly a 'Gaylord,' as they say in Dublin, Ireland.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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