Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 26 April 2009

image for Hull City Record-Breaking Season Continues!
City's record-breaking campaign goes on!

Hull City, the Premiership newboys, continue to enjoy their first season in English football's top flight, breaking records as they go, and are on the verge of breaking yet another one next week.

As has already been mentioned, this is the Tigers first ever campaign in the top tier, and they registered their first ever PL away win at Newcastle in September.

This season also saw the highest attendance at their current home - the KC stadium - 24,942 against Liverpool yesterday.

City's highest transfer fee ever paid for a player - £5 million for Jimmy Bullard from Fulham (even though he's only played 37 minutes) - is another record in their crazy record-breaking 2008-2009 season.

On May 4, City travel to Aston Villa, knowing that, if they don't win, they will have set a new record of having won only once in 19 PL matches, and that was a flukey last-minute winner against Fulham in March.

On the commercial side, City have smashed all previous records in sales of shirts, scarves, flags, daft caps a and other memorabilia, and this has led, in turn, to a larger-than-ever number of Christmas trees at the KC.

Several other records have fallen by the wayside in their brilliant premiere Premier League campaign, including the groundbreaking 'teamtalk on the pitch' given them by the 'Orangest Manager' in the club's entire history, Phil Brown.

Brown tore into his players after an inept first half display at Manchester City on Boxing Day which saw the Tigers go into the break 4-0 down, and gained much respect from those in the media for this show of commitment and determination.

Brown has also been cited as the Hull City manager who has given the most verbose and unintelligible interviews after games, usually selecting a few choice adjectives from a 'magic box of words' that he carries around in a suitcase. City fans claim that he sometimes conducts interviews in 'an unknown foreign language'.

After yesterday's 3-1 home reverse at the hands of Liverpool, he garbled:

"What you saw is passion. Those players were passionate, and played passionately. but if we can show that level of commitment against these bigger clubs, we're lacken that liddle bidda qualidy, in-house, injustice, sublime football, but azzasay...gameplan...suppressed them...to a cerden exdent, emphasise and re-emphasise and re-re-emphasise and so on, and so on and so forth, your beliefs, my beliefs, the suporders beliefs, chasen' and harryen', endeavour and intent, chasen' shadders, drive an' desire an' determination, nothen' but praise an' admiration, breadanbudder, we hold our hands up, an' rightly so, the ... er ... the boddom line, 'that's on the way behind as far as what's comen'(?), maybe one or two people don't like uss being a Premier League team but in-house, hard, harsh words, analyse, I don't lie, I don't hide behind words, fabrication, an exaggeration of it to a cerden exdent, the fans here, Hull Ciddy fans..magnificent..12th man...(or rather, 11th after Folan was sent off!), beaten by a third goal, and a qualidy(?) goal at that, blahblahblahblahblahblah, EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

Phil Brown's interview after the Liverpool defeat

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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