In a shocking turn of events, sources close to "The Evil Fatso" confirm that his days of freedom are numbered. It's said that the walls of his New York State courthouse cell are literally closing in on him, as if he's in some sort of madcap cartoon.
Despite this, the Orange Whale continues to spout nonsense on Twitter in a desperate attempt to fool the American public. Here's a list of some of his most ridiculous tweets:
1. Just talked to the Tooth Fairy, folks. She said she's voting for me in 2024. I'm going to make her Chief Dental Officer and Make America Floss Again!
2. Sad to say, folks, but my favorite Big Mac joint has closed down. I guess I'll have to settle for KFC. But don't worry, I'll still be grabbing pussies left and right.
3. I heard Sleepy Joe is secretly a vampire. He sleeps all day and stays up all night. And have you ever seen him in the sunlight? No, you haven't. Just saying.
4. They say I have small hands. Well, I have big feet. And you know what they say about guys with big feet...they have bigly shoes.
5. Sheriff Buford T Justice told me that there's no way Eric came from my loins, and that boy better take a DNA test if that sumbitch wants to keep calling himself a Trump. And I should pop his momma in the mouth. As soon as I figure out who she is.
As the trial draws near, it's becoming increasingly clear that the Orange Whale is sinking faster than a lead balloon. But who knows, maybe he'll pull a Bugs Bunny and tunnel his way out of the courthouse. Only time will tell.
