Ask Dr. Billingsgate: Why did "Donald" call me a nasty person?

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 15 May 2023

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CNN's termagant reporter, Kaitlin Collins, asks Dr. Billingsgate why Donald Trump called her a "nasty" person.

A little background: In the middle of a contentious town hall event in New Hampshire on Wednesday night, as Collins repeatedly asked Trump about his handling of classified documents, Trump grew frustrated with Collins interjecting herself. He politely asked Collins: "Can I talk? Can I answer the question?"

The rest is history.

Dear Dr. Billingsgate,

I'm devastated. Recently, on CNN, an old man I was interviewing (Let’s just call him Donald) called me a “nasty person.” I was dressed appropriately in a very dignified white pant suit outfit and was wearing red Christian Louboutin pumps with 100 mm heels that I bought from Bergdorf Goodman, the same store where “Donald” allegedly nailed a lady in a dressing room. Incidentally, these shoes retail for almost a grand. Anyway, I was going about my business - which requires that I ask personal questions without giving the subject time to respond before asking him another question - and this jerk looked me in the eye and said I was a nasty person. And the Townhouse audience clapped. I was devastated! What should I do?

Cryin' Kaitlin

Dear Kaitlin,

Chill out, Dudette. You're in good hands. Maybe "Donald" had done some research. When you were attending Alabama University in 2012, there were rumors that your sorority was involved in turning over outhouses in the Black area of Tuscaloosa and laughing as these poor people tried to pull up their pants while crawling out of the tipped-over outhouses.

You talk about "nasty."

My recommendation is that the next time you get a chance to interview Donald, you wear a pretty dress, an uplift bra and high-heal sneakers. And then, during a commercial, you volunteer to throw some leg on the old guy - after the interview, of course.

Respectfully,

Dr. Billingsgate

Dr. Slim: "That should clear the air for all concerned. Good rapport move."

Dirty: "Yo, Dr. Dude. Reminds me of an old Indian adage. Don't judge a man till you have walked in his moccasins for two moons."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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