MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - An anonymous Mar-a-Lago employee has revealed that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump is so depressed and miserable that he has taken up smoking.
The insider stated that the Orange Whale is smoking four packs of Marlboros every day.
The employee, who would only give her initials as F.P.Y, added that Trump looks like he got hit by a runaway garbage truck.
The employee noted that "Fuck Face" (as all the Mar-a-Lago employees call him behind his back) smells like a New Jersey landfill.
She added that Trump has Grubhub deliver a dozen Big Macs to his residence each day at noon, and when they arrive, his eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning.
Meanwhile, the self-proclaimed white supremacist recently adopted a rescue dog, which he named "Little Mac."
