Ace crack reporter, Ace Crackington here, on the streets of the New World Order, trying to find anyone who can tell me what the hell Michaelmas is.
“I think it’s a celebration of a guy named Michael who recorded an album in which he played a zombie but it was called Thriller instead of Horrorshow.”
“It’s that time of the month when ladies have their periods before their commas.”
“It’s where babies come from who are named Michael by other babies also named Michael.”
“It’s a unit of measurement, but not now, back when they measured things with their [censored]. Men! Am I right, ladies?”
“It’s when you stub your toe but you can’t swear so you go to the Michaelmas place and swear til your blue in the face … then they give you a blue balloon and tell you not to let the vicar hear you. What’s a vicar?”
“It’s what my mum has up her bum on Sunday mornings after a night at the pub.”
“I believe it’s about three pounds fifty, unless you’re counting from the Julian calendar, but then you have to use the lotion so it doesn’t scratch so much. I’m sorry, is this my MP? Who’s calling, please?”
I had to get off the phone since the long-distance charges were adding up. But I still have no idea what Michaelmas is since we don’t have it in Guam. Where every day it’s Christmas!
