Harry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1
Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United signing who seems to be able to do just about anything everything he puts his hand to, has been made the bookmakers' favourite to reach number 1 in the UK charts at Christmas. This is astonishing news - eve...Read full story
Christmas Sales To Start On Christmas Day
Christmas bargain hunters will not have quite as long to wait for their 'Christmas bargains' this year, after businesses voted overwhelmingly to throw open their doors to customers at 6am on 25 December. The move comes as high-street traders try t...Read full story
Amazon To Lay Off Staff As Pre-Christmas 'Rush' Doesn't Happen
Amazon, the online shopping retailer, has said that it is facing being forced to make staff at its distribution centers redundant, as online sales for Christmas have fallen way below expected targets. Sales of goods are 28% down on those in the fi...Read full story
Royal Family to spend Xmas on Olly Murs's big face, say Palace.
Buckingham Palace last night revealed that Her Majesty the Queen, along with The Duke of Edinburgh and other prominent members of the royal family, will this year be spending the Christmas period on the enormous face of pop icon, Olly Murs. A Pala...Read full story
Man Got Drunk, Sat In A Wheelbarrow, And Cried For His Mommy
Christmas isn't always a happy time, and, for some people, it can be a period of downright misery. This was the case with one man on Christmas Day, when the pressure of his work, the failure of his relationship, and the alienation and isolation of be...Read full story
Pope delivers muddled Easter message
Pope Benedictine XIV today delivered a rather muddled Easter message in Rome today, causing much confusion amongst the thousands of faithful gathered there, and even some heckling. 'Ave Romani', the German said, 'today is Easter Sunday, and I stan...Read full story
Santa Claus Outsources To India
In the Santa Clause Village in Rovaniemi, Finland, Christmas is a yearlong affair. Though Santa collects lists and delivers presents in a few days before Christmas, workers at the Santa Claus Operations (SCO) centre have to work all throughout the ye...Read full story
January 12, 2016 Dear Santa, Hey Santa. Ever since I moved out of my parents' house in 1998 I noticed that you stopped coming to my place. I'm a 35 year old man, but this I don't understand! You came every year when I lived with mom and dad, but now that have my own apartment, you don't show. At one point, I almost stopped believing in you! I have been hoping that you are very busy and will ge...Read full story
The Top Ten Reasons Santa Is Downsizing This Year
(New York-NY) I think it was either Sigmund Freud or any post-rhinoplasty Bat Mitzvah girl from Long Beach (That's Long Island…not California.) who wrote "I am a Jew, and it always seemed to me not only shameful but downright senseless to deny it." And that's my sentiment at Christmas. But, like Freud, I'm not particularly religious. You could call me ultra-Reformed. Or as my friend Jon Braunhut w...Read full story
Brexit Internet turkeys flying off shelves were rancid!
A UK supermarket flogging "Brexited" turkeys over the internet were 'not gobbled up' after discovering many of them were rancid! Irate Christmas Dinner lovers in many families all over the UK had their feast ruined by non-EU turkeys that obviously...Read full story
Santa Claus Loses Four Elves to Inuit Hunters
North Pole - Santa will be short-handed going into the last phases of toy build-out this year. It seems that a hunting party of Inuits shot four of Santa's elves, mistakenly identifying the elves as seals. Nanook, the head of the hunting party,...Read full story
John Boehner Kills 'Share Christmas With Your Senator'
Washington DC - A program that would have allowed United States Senators to join in the Christmas celebrations of their constituents has been voted down by the House of Representatives. "We're giving a big 'bah humbug' to that idea," said House Sp...Read full story
The Twelve Days of Christmas Revisited
In respect of today's economic climate the old Christmas song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" are in need of readjusting (Bringing it into 21st century). The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance. The two turtle doves represent a redundancy t...Read full story
Revealed: Joran van der Sloot's Christmas Wish List & Shocking Jail House Sex Tape!
Tis the season to be jolly, and based on the shocking sex tape just released of van der Sloot's romps with a bevy of married female Peruvian guards, minders, and human rights defenders, it appears that the alleged serial murderer is getting more "att...Read full story
Twas Hockey Night Before Christmas
Offered as a tribute to our Canadian friends, to anyone from a northern U.S. state, any country closer to the North Pole than the Equator, or anyone who sponsored a kid through years of junior hockey. T'was Hockey Night Before Christmas 'Twas Hockey Night before Christmas, when all through the rink Not a sound could be heard, but there still was that stink. Some skates were hung by t...Read full story
Giftmas: Making the Holidays Great Again!
Christmas is only a few short days away. People are scrambling around buying those last-second gifts for any loved one they worry might feel scorned if the pile of presents underneath the tree doesn’t feature a tag with their name on it hanging from...Read full story
Ten Comparisons between Santa Claus & David Cameron
The Comparisons between Santa and David Cameron 1. When the poor ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal, with Cameron, it's impossible. 2. Santa seldom answers the poor's you email, Cameron never answers the poor's emails. 3. Santa seldom answers the poor's mail, Cameron never answers the poor's mail. 4. Santa gets all the stuff he's got from k...Read full story
Christmas Sales Going Well, Say Experts
Sales of unwanted trash in UK stores are doing well, say experts, due principally to the Credit Crunch, the inability of some shops to carry on trading, and the fact that some Britons are just so fucking greedy, they will buy ANYTHING, so long as it'...Read full story