Christmas To Be Delayed Until Next Year
In what's been described as the craziest plan ever hatched, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced that, due to the ongoing worries of a Coronavirus 'second wave', and even more embarrassment over his handling of the pandemic, Christmas in the UK...Read full story
Mud 'Lonely This Christmas' To Be Re-Issued
The British glam-rock group, Mud, have announced that their record company will be re-releasing one of their biggest hit singles, 'Lonely This Christmas' later this month, before it's too late! Mud had a string of Top-10 hits during the early 1970...Read full story
Long Dead Spoof Editor Returns Sparking Debate: Was He Ever Really Born?
"Mark Lowton has nine lives times two," said Monkey Woods, the Spoofs blind editing prodigy, "Many's the time we have pronounced him dead and or missing, only to find out he wasn't at all, we'd simply covered him up with the laundry." "I don't bel...Read full story
Tabloid editors spreading Christmas rage
It is November, and as usual British tabloids are getting into the festive mood by searching the country for stories of people not celebrating Christmas properly. It is a yearly tradition to whip up readers into a frenzy of loathing, and will warm th...Read full story
Jesus bans chrissy chocolate sales in August in UK supermarkets!
Several UK supermarkets feel it is quite proper to flog chrissy choccies in AUGUST! Yes people, August! However, after the chrissy choccies were spotted on the shelves several customers thought it was quite disgraceful to sell chrissy products in sum...Read full story
Are you excited about the Archer's Pantomime this year?
Hello, I am Brian Asshat, esquire of the parish of Chutney on The Fritz, protector of the English language, spotter of trains, and bell ringer, and I have just one question for you: Are you excited at the Archer's Pantomime this year? I am not...Read full story
Sequel to the Bible is planned by Pope
IT was yesterday announced that the Pope and several other religious parties are planning a sequel to bestseller 'The Holy Bible' as part of their Christmas and New Year celebrations. It is expected that Richard Branson's Virgin company w...Read full story
New Year To Have The Lowest 4-Digit Total For Nine Years
As 2019 slowly, but surely, approaches its conclusion, and we get ever nearer to another new year, it's been noticed that next year - 2020 (twenty-twenty) - will contain the individual digits' lowest total since nine years ago, in 2011. It will al...Read full story
Controversial Report Published on 'Christmas in England'
The long-awaited all-party report on 'Christmas in England' was finally published today in time for inclusion in the Queen's Christmas message. The enquiry that led to the report was set up to examine and make recommendations about key controversi...Read full story
Harry Maguire Warned About Christmas Carol Singing Nuisance
The festive season is well-and truly upon us, and not without an early controversy, as Manchester United and England central defender Harry Maguire and his girlfriend Fern Hawkins have upset some of their neighbours with their own particular brand of...Read full story
Santa Shot Down By NORAD; Millions of Children Witness Catastrophe
The US Air Force, NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command), in a gross case of mistaken identity, disintegrated Santa Clause and his 18 reindeer over Washington airspace this evening. Apparently, the heavy red man was flying over restricted a...Read full story
Amazon To Lay Off Staff As Pre-Christmas 'Rush' Doesn't Happen
Amazon, the online shopping retailer, has said that it is facing being forced to make staff at its distribution centers redundant, as online sales for Christmas have fallen way below expected targets. Sales of goods are 28% down on those in the fi...Read full story
Santa Claus Releases "Naughty and Nice" List
Early this morning, and months before its scheduled release date, Father Christmas today surprised the world with an early release of his list of ‘who's been naughty and who's been nice'. The list, a virtual who's who in world politics and bu...Read full story
Ted Cruz the Showman (sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman")
Ted Cruz the Showman was a sleazy scrappy soul, With McCarthy looks and a button nose And two eyes made out of coal. Ted Cruz the Showman is a sordid tale, they say, He was full of blow but Teabillies know How he came to life one day. There must have been some money To propel him to the top. For when they made him Senator He became a Tea Party prop. Oh, Ted Cruz the Showman was...Read full story
Bush says "Blame the Heat Miser not Big Oil!"
At a recent gathering of oil company presidents, President Bush assured the company heads that their industry was not at fault for global warming. The President explained that the real culprit is the Heat Miser from TV Show A Year Without Santa Claus...Read full story
Elon Musck To New Baby: Get A Job Kid!
Elon Musck and his wife welcomed their first child into the pandemic tired world yesterday. Musck who has had exceedingly little good to say about stay-at-home orders, was not about to let his newborn soften his stance. "She needs to get out on he...Read full story
Bah, Humbug! Great British Eccentrics Hold Christmas Party In Stately Home
Oldham Hall, Gloucestershire, England. - The last of a dying breed of great British eccentrics held their annual Christmas get together here on Saturday night. The guest list read like a who's who of traditional crackpots, foul mouthed harridans, psy...Read full story
Santa Says Obama To Stay On Naughty List
Santa Claus admitted in an interview after the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that United States President Barack Obama will remain on the naughty list for another year. "I don't want anyone to make anything racial out of this," said that Jolly Ol...Read full story