Family Christmas Is Tough Call When Mum Visits

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

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Many mums don't enjoy visiting their grown-up children's homes for Christmas because they believe they could do a better job.

Fourteen per cent say they get bored and a similar number feel annoyed at not being allowed to help in the kitchen.

The survey, carried out for Co-operative Food, also found that one in three mums felt the family spent too much time watching TV rather than entertaining relations.

We asked PollsRUs to ask local people how they felt about mums coming round for Christmas - or visiting them.

"Oh no dear - not with my brood," said Mrs Nuala Spools at number 33. "We can't go to my in-laws because they retired to Spain and the drive to my mum's always makes little Monty sick.

"And if gran and grandad come to visit it all gets a little out of hand - they get over-excited and I end up cleaning up pools of sick for the whole afternoon!"

Local businessman, Ray Flume, said: "My parents or in-laws are perfectly welcome, as long as they contribute. It's not cheap you know - a case of Claret or a nice cheque will do, or they don't get through the door."

"Don't talk to me about Christmas!" Molly Q, who lives in the upstairs flat opposite. "It's a bloody fascistic paternalistic con designed to keep women in the kitchen and reinforcing the image of woman as nurturer, decorating trees, wrapping presents...

"Or to satisfy men's sexual fantasies by wearing ridiculous erotic underwear bought by their crap husbands.

"No I didn't get any!

"Men! Bastards!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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