Only 363 Shopping Days Left To Christmas!

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 26 December 2020

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With only 363 more days to go, there's no time to waste!

It may only recently have been the festive shopping and gift-giving extravaganza that is Christmas Day, but many retail outlets are already busy restocking their shelves and advertising that there's no time to waste, and that there are now only 363 shopping days to go until Christmas.

Consumers who never tire of endlessly traipsing around city centres, peering into windows, looking at things they don't need, and - realistically - can't afford, will be pleased to hear the heartening news, and will, no doubt, embark upon countless more frenzied buying sessions as soon as they can scrape their bus fares together.

Cash to buy goods is not a requirement, the only thing needed being that the customer has 'assets' which could, after a subsequent failure to repay money owed, be legally confiscated.

Many large department stores have initiated large advertising campaigns, urging potential customers to "buy it now, before it goes", and queues outside shops this morning seem to be evidence that these campaigns have been successful.

A large majority of consumers have now changed their buying habits so that they make most of their purchases online, but there's nothing like a good rummage through the bargain bins, and stores are already reporting a massive increase in sales.

Those looking for the best deals are advised to stop wasting time, as time is fast running out.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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