Santa Postpones Christmas After Dasher, Blitzen and Vixen Sent to Jail

Written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 19 December 2011

image for Santa Postpones Christmas After Dasher, Blitzen and Vixen Sent to Jail
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman, and the car was not stolen"

North Pole lawyers were busy this week at the Elf County Courthouse, trying to arrange bail and some time sensitive freedom for Dasher, Blitzen and Vixen, three of Santa's primary reindeer team. Judge Judy Friesfrost denied an early release based on the severity of charges facing the reindeer, choosing to delay arraignment until after the holidays. Reports from the North Pole workshop indicate that Santa may have to postpone gift delivery until his reindeer are released.

Facing repeat offender changes this year, all three reindeer had been incarcerated last year on a variety of charges ranging from drunk and disorderly to prostitution. "They are really just good North Pole residents, a little wound up and high strung before the big night flight", says reindeer chief lawyer and workshop elf, Johnny Cochran-Twizzle. "They were just blowing off some steam, that's all. If the hoofs don't fit, you must acquit".

Elf County prosecutors were not amused, and sought to permanently ground the three reindeer team members. "Running around town like they own the place, boosting cars, public drunkenness, they are a disgrace to the North Pole", says county prosecutor Wint R. Warlock. The charges leveled against the reindeer appear to reflect Warlock's commitment to cleaning up reindeer crime. Dasher was charged with two counts of automobile theft and joy riding, Blitzen was reportedly caught with enough magic dust to warrant a trafficking charge, and Vixen reportedly engaged in numerous counts of prostitution.

Vixen, long thought to be an oddly named male reindeer is the only female member of Santa's team. On her way to jail, Vixen snickered and then declared for the cameras, "So what if a girl likes to go into town and blow a few bucks. Is that so wrong?"

There was no word from the North Pole Aviation Administration if Santa intends to alter his flight plan or if he may still attempt the night flight with a new team leading his sleigh. NPAA spokes-elf, Jimmy Sparkle says, "We've never missed a single Christmas Eve, I'm sure the fat man will figure something out. Though, I will miss having Vixen around during our breaks from the tower".

More North Pole news as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more