Steve Bannon is giving us the latest lesson in the fickle nature of the human heart. Bannon met with reporters yesterday to discuss his next gig playing Santa Claus for the hordes of children that come to tell the jolly fat man what to bring them Christmas morning.
"This is a dream come true for me! I've been intrigued with Santa since my favorite uncle - at least my mom told me he was an uncle, brought me to see him when I was four years old. I was so overjoyed with the idea of asking for things that I couldn't make up my mind! My uncle helped me to make a list. A fairly long one in fact! And now that i think more about it, he was my only uncle, but I liked him a lot!"
The popular and pudgy icon of the Right has been preparing himself with a special diet of creamed mashed potatoes, pork chops and a variety of junk food. All on hand yesterday were in agreement, it appears to be working!
Bannon said he's gained approximately 23 pounds since mid-August when he decided to "go for it".
Bannon was asked repeatedly to explain why he so desired playing the jolly Batman role before giving his answer: "I remember that first visit vividly. I was captivated from the start by the bright red suit and the striking white beard. Then I sat on his lap and he bounced me up and down, along with the 'ho, ho, ho's'...it was as though the happiness was contagious! And I've dreamed of being a Santa ever since!"
Bannon will appear at an undisclosed Macy's store in the Chicago area beginning December 1, 2021. All kids are welcome to come and bring their lists. As for adult visitors, word is Bannon is asking that they bring him some beef jerky to help get him through those marathon sessions leading up to the big day.