The Kardashian Christmas Carol

Written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 21 December 2011


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image for The Kardashian Christmas Carol

Sung to the tune of
"God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen"

God rest Merry Kardashians
On Christmas we must say,
You sound like four old cackling hens
In constant disarray.
Reality TV was great,
Till you became cliché.

Butt implants, Botox and breasts deployed.
We jumped for joy.
Oh, butt implants, Botox and breasts deployed.

Momma Kris is family pimp
"Their pictures for a price"
The makeup team prepares the primp
"My, how they all look nice"
Perfection wanes as Khloe blimps
"Stop eating and think twice"

Mom's actions had started to annoy,
"But we must stay employed"
Oh, mom's actions had started to annoy.

While Kim's publicity holds strong
The family profits well.
Followed by paparazzi throng
Her head will always swell.
Warhol's minutes gone , it won't be long
Till we bid fond farewell.

Dump your husband for headlines as a ploy,
Just a boy toy.
Oh, dump your husband for headlines as a ploy.

Bruce the decathlete sticks by
His clan of women folk.
The Wheaties man will always try
To fix things when they're broke.
He hasn't figured out just why
They're television's joke.

No family of Einsteins or Tolstoys.
Just vapid goys.
Oh, no family of Einsteins or Tolstoys.

The Kardashians are fine this holiday,
They hope you are as well.
Keep watching them until they're grey,
They think that would be swell.
The dysfunction of their "Normal" day,
Makes bearable your hell.

Cookbooks and Talk Shows next, oh boy!
For the hoi polloi,
Oh, just shoot me now and save me from the joy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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