Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 24 December 2018

image for Santa Claus Hates Mince Pies
Go easy on the mince pies, y'schmucks!

On the eve of the most widely-celebrated Christian festival of the year, the main focal point of the event, Santa Claus, has spoken out about one of the things he hates most about it - mince pies.

Parents of young children everywhere have, down the ages, advised their offspring to go to bed early, leaving some snacks for Santa, so that he and his trusty reindeers have enough energy to complete his mission of delivering gifts to other children all over the world.

Mince pies, cookies, and a glass of milk are the traditionally-favored fare, but centuries of this have resulted in a weight problem for Santa, who says that mince pies, in particular, leave a nasty taste in his throat. At the same time, his reindeers have developed a complete aversion to carrots.

Santa, tweeting from the North Pole yesterday, wrote:

"The snacks people leave for us are very much appreciated, but a little variety wouldn't hurt. To be brief, I hate mince pies, and they give me indigestion, anyway. Last year, as I flew overhead, I quite fancied a filet mignon, and two years ago, I had a craving for poached salmon in hollandaise sauce. Plus a beer, of course!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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