Republican Christmas Cards for a Killer Holiday

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Thursday, 30 March 2023

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and that's what Christmas is really all about, Charlie Brown.

Republican Christmas cards are a new hot trend, and all the NRA members want in on it.

None of the families or senators or congress-people or celebrities wanted to be named (you have to wait till next Christmas, nosey-parkers!), but each right-wing whack job wholesome Christian family wants to one-up the other with the number of guns the viewer can see in the card.

A family of five are holding 23 guns – even junior, at 5 years old – that ain’t a water gun he’s pointing at the camera – adorable!

Another governmental family of 12 – possibly Mormon – have 44 guns in total, including some tucked into the Christmas tree and others scattered around the house as decorations.

But the King Shit Family themselves have a whopping 365 guns, one for every day of the year, plus a tank they bought cheap from Belarus and an anti-aircraft gun for shooting down police and military helicopters – should the next insurrection be successful and the “American Antifas” try to keep their country away from MAGA.

Collect ‘em all! Trade with other crazy families as they wear ugly Christmas sweaters and all the kids show off their favorite AR-15s … until suddenly a trigger is pulled in all the excitement, and then next year might just involve a different type of card …

One with 500 guns and a tiny condolence card for the deceased tucked up in the tree somewhere.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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