The Solar System Will Soon Be For Sale

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Monday, 27 June 2022

image for The Solar System Will Soon Be For Sale
Fly Me to Elon's Moon!

Enceladus is the brightest moon of Saturn, and of the entire solar system, and it has most of the ingredients to create and sustain life. What makes it so bright is the ice which covers its surface, with temperatures reaching -198C at noon. This reminds Star Wars fans of the planet Hoth, yet Disney has yet to make a bid for this or any of Saturn’s moons.

But that hasn’t stopped possibilities that either Elon Musk or Donald Trump will try to buy property and building rights to that and other moons around every planet. Trump wants to build a hotel, golf course, and Super Max prison for Democrats on Enceladus, if it ever comes up for bidding.

All other planets, moons, asteroids, and comets will be up on the auction block, so billionaires and future trillionaires will have private property throughout the solar system. If anyone tries to land on purchased property, and the owner is American, there’s a good chance they will be shot before asked what they’re doing there.

And if every piece of rock in our system is owned by someone, good luck trying to leave Earth, flying through the ‘airspace’ or ‘space-space’ around any heavenly body. When capitalism takes over Earth, it can also take over any other hunk of rock or ball of gas. When the few own everything, the rest of us are imprisoned on our own planet, forever. Same as always … only the very rich get to explore new worlds and be free.

Star Wars, after all, is just a movie.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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