BROOKLYN - (Satire News) - The former mayor of New York City, and ex-chief counsel for Don The Con (Trump) told Brooklyn police that while he was buying groceries, cigarettes, condoms, and vodka at the local Dilly Dally Supermarket Chain, an old blue-haired lady in a wheelchair, snuck up behind him and hauled off and kicked him in his ass.
The woman was identified as Clara Buncilla Krick, 84, of Bedford-Stuyvesant.
Giuliani said that he was knocked down to the ground, but not before he hit his head on a Joan-of-Arc Tampons display sign in aisle 6.
He said that he received immediate mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from an elderly black man, even after he told him that he was awake and that he was breathing on his own.
The old woman's boyfriend, Toto Michashinowitz, 76, offered Giuliani, $42, if he promised to keep the incident out of the tabloid papers.
SIDENOTE: Giuliani was given an industrial enema in the store's frozen food section, just as a precautionary measure.
