Assassin’s Creed for Elon’s Coordinates
Assassination coordinates for someone who thinks people are out to get him … And now for Black Sabbath’s kickass song, “Paranoid!” Finished with my Elon Cuz he couldn’t help me with my Tweet People think I’m insane Cuz I stay on Twitter wher…
Read full storyMy God Gives Me the God-Given Right to Kill Your God
Religious people will no longer be held responsible for their actions, according to a new American law. I did it for my God. My God made me do it. It is part of my religious freedom to do it. You are violating my freedom of religion if you s…
Read full storySoccer Superstar Lionel Messi Retires - Buys A Taco Truck
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina - (Satire News) - One of the greatest soccer players in history, Lionel Cabeza Messi has just announced his retirement. The man who spent more than half his life wearing short shorts says that he is only 35, but his legs, a…
Read full storyNew Trump Everything for Trumpamaniacs in Trumperica – That’s A Whole Lotta Trump!
When Trump becomes the president of some country (possibly no longer named America), he will change everything about the country. And they mean everything! There will be a new constitution, written by Trump himself, with tons of laws protecting th…
Read full storyThe Death of Comedy in America
Sad news for comedians everywhere … in the future Trump America, there shall be no comedy. Yes, Trump and other GOP-ers will be allowed to tell jokes, but come on, how many redneck comedians are there? You just might be a redneck? That’s the exte…
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Is Rumored To Be Thinking About Having a Sex Change Operation
TRINIDAD, Colorado - (Satire News) - The rumormill is churning out that singer, dancer, tuba player Miley Cyrus is seriously thinking about having sexual reassignment surgery. Metro News Service writer Joaquin Cerveza stated that Cyrus has always…
Read full storyPrince William Is Devastated As He Finds Out That His Wife Kate Has Been Cheating On Him
SOHO, England - (Satire News) - Word filtering out of the BBC is that the eldest son of King Charles III, is extremely depressed. It seems that Prince William, who is married to Kate "The Flirt" Middleton has learned that KM has been having intima…
Read full storyCaptain Funk and the Groovy Bringdown
Don’t be a jive turkey! Get yo ass out and see the latest Hollywood blockbuster sure to win the next Best Picture. “Captain Funk and the Groovy Bringdown”, a Blaxploitation musical coming soon, where pimps and hos keep it real and are always on th…
Read full storyPutin’s Stud Farm for Superior Horse Sperm
Vald Putin has a stud farm, and he’s the lone stud! All the girls are under the age of eighteen to make sure they will produce healthy Russian babies without too many birth defects. Putin assures Russian that he has superior sperm and that his ba…
Read full storyKhomeini, the Deadbeat Bollywood Baby Daddy
Ayatollah Khomeini has a love child! This report just in from New Delhi, the Ayatollah Khomeini (real name: Chuck Krapowski) was on vacation in India in the mid-70s when he met a sexy Bollywood star (who shall remain nameless since there are still…
Read full storyPump Up The J.A.A.M.!
Ah yeah, this is DJ Salaama-Bama bringing you all the hits across the Muslim world, and here is the latest, coming straight outa Iran, bitches, it’s – “Pump up the J.A.A.M., pump it up, pumpitpumpitpumpit!” “ Jihad those mullahs, ladies from I…
Read full storySomething about Snow
Hello, Mr Raymond Ving here. I am nearly 80 you know. You will remember from my other columns - Collander Husbandry, Whoops where did I leave the Knives? and Look out, there's a Labrador about. I would like to talk to you today about snow. Snow…
Read full storyBlackface Harry Fights the Good Fight
Prince Harry has been outspoken for his support of all peoples of the world, especially those who have been hated for the colors of their skins. So he has decided to die! Sorry, I mean dye … his skin color to black. This in support of migrants…
Read full storyMeghan Markle’s Advice For Youse Britishains
Rachel Meghan Markle made fun of how to curtsey to the Queen. She asked, “Do I have to curtsy the casket and the corpse too?” Other things she then made fun of: The British accent. “How come they talk like that, geez, like, really? Gawd! Fer fu…
Read full storyMy King Has Fleas
King Charles has fleas. Camilla has to pluck them out every night before she tucks the King into his royal bunkbed. She has bitten into them, and found them not to her liking. Still, she swallowed. The King says they are not British fleas, tha…
Read full storyStormy Statue to Stand Uppance & Cum (WTF?)
Stormy Daniels will have her cummuppance (is that how you spell that?). On a New York sidewalk, directly across from the Trump Tower, will soon stand a statue of the porn star three times lifesize, so Donald can always see her and dream of what mi…
Read full storyZombie Reagan 4 Brain President!
In a stunning new development, the GOP has admitted to trying to clone the corpse of Ronald Reagan, since their current and potential contenders for the Oval Office ain’t so good. “We need a leader, a winner – we don’t like losers, and Trump is ……
Read full storyKardashian Can’t Donate Her Hazmat Panties
Taylor Swift has donated a pair of her panties to the Hard Rock Cafe in Los Angeles. Not to be outdone, Kim Kardashian did the same, but the manager at the Cafe said, “OH GOD NO! Get them outa here! Call the hazmat crew – bring in the bug bombs –…
Read full story2023: Year of the Berserker
The Vikings of Scandinavia (are there any others?) have stated that next year will be known as The Year of the Berserker. (The Chinese have been naming years long enough, it’s time for someone else to try.) That berserk warrior who cannot be conta…
Read full storyThe Evidence of the Party is in the Goer
Are you a goer, Boris? You know, a goer – do you go – errrrrgh! Boris is out of the political realm now, but still I am haunted by Partygate. Why? It itches and tingles at my brain. I ask: Why did so many other leaders and other politicians of…
Read full storyDeSantis Santas in De Sand
Ron DeSantis doesn’t like Santa Claus, that fat jolly old elf who likes to dress up like some kinda drag whore LGBTLQANONXXX or whatever the hell they wanna call themselves – and have children sit on his lap! Hell no! Not in Florida, where the bik…
Read full storyLeggo My Ego, Elon
Elon Musk’s ego has inflated to epic proportions since he banned journalists from Twitter. Money and power corrupts, so Elon is doing what the governments of Britain and the USA are doing in relation to Julian Assange. Freedom of speech? Nein, He…
Read full storyLex Luthor vs. Brand Recognition
This is beyond funny. Too many Marvel movies may make a person think he is Superman when he is actually Lex Luthor. Coming soon, (if he doesn’t already have this), Trump soap, toothpaste, deodorant, pap smears, AIDS tests, catheters, anal lube…
Read full storyMall Santas Fight Da Power!
Mall Santas are pissed off and they’re not going to take it anymore! They have now formed a union and are demanding fair and equal treatment. If your child has a load in their pants, the Santa has the right to refuse having said child on their la…
Read full storyThe BBC Reports That The Town of Penzance, England Has Banned Soccer
PENZANCE, England - (Sports Satire) - The Sports Bet Gazette (UK) has just revealed that the Penzance City Council has voted 5 to 4 to ban soccer. City Council Director Wesco Scallion, 45, stated that the city fathers just got fed up with every ga…
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