Mall Santas are pissed off and they’re not going to take it anymore! They have now formed a union and are demanding fair and equal treatment.
If your child has a load in their pants, the Santa has the right to refuse having said child on their lap and tell them what they want. How about some toilet paper!
If your kid has a cold – Santa don’t play that! Wipe the kid’s nose and get them some medicine – what are you doing bringing them to a fucking mall! To infect everyone?
Your child – if approved to sit on Santa’s lap – will ask for ONE gift, not fifty thousand gifts with long explanations as to why your child NEEDS all this crap. Stop teaching your kid to be greedy. It starts with the parent – not the Santa!
If your child cries due to the unsightly nature of the Santa – then too bad, no presents for the kid, and he can get off Santa’s lap and run back to mommy, Santa has feelings too, you know!
If you are an adult and you think it’s funny for you to sit on Santa’s lap – you must promise to buy him dinner at a later date. If you do not keep your end of the bargain, a thousand Santas may hunt you down! That’s for being a tease!
Enjoy your frickin’ Christmas, from all the Mall Santas in the world.
PS: The Elves also want fair and equal treatment, but their protest is against Santa, whom they call the Dragon, the Evil One, the Slave Master, and of course the always popular rearranging of the name, calling him SATAN! (Hey, Christians, don’t you like to interpret secret messages where there are none? Why aren’t you all over this ‘Santa” secret code? Wake up! Satan has your kids on his lap! And he’s in some kind of drag disguise! Call QANON! They love this shit.)
