PENZANCE, England - (Sports Satire) - The Sports Bet Gazette (UK) has just revealed that the Penzance City Council has voted 5 to 4 to ban soccer.
City Council Director Wesco Scallion, 45, stated that the city fathers just got fed up with every game having at least four out-of-control fights in the stands between the unruly Penzance fans and the visiting fans.
A security guard at Robin Hood Stadium stated that the teenage heathens had no respect for the decent game watching fans in the stands, as they would toss hot dogs, hamburgers, crumpets, fish patties, water filled condoms, and even Stella Artois beer at each other.
The Penzance Pirates FC has filed a protest and they've hired the best law firm in Penzance; Gurlson, Mizzweather, & Scovino, who recently won a case for a city streetwalker who had gotten her left tit bruised by a wayward Penzance City Bus.
