Jeffrey Epstein Sighted At Palm Beach Massage Parlor
BILLINGSGATE POST: “Reports of my death were slightly exaggerated,” explained Jeffrey Epstein, who was sighted coming out of a Palm Beach massage parlor by roving crack reporter, Detrick “Dirty Tricks” Detwiler. It was Detwiler who was assigned th…
Read full storyDairy Queen Is Putting Out A New Menu Item Called The Marjorie Taylor Greene Pistachio Blizzard
CHICAGO - (Satire News) - The American Foodie News Agency has just stated that Dairy Queen has just added a brand new Blizzard flavor. Paloma Sonoma with AFNA said that she spoke with a rep with Dairy Queen and she was told that they added the new…
Read full storySmokey the Bear Says: Filter Those Flicks
In 1804, or whenever the hell it was, Ted Turner had his way with Hollywood – and she didn’t even see it coming! He took a lot of old black and white movies and grabbed a box of crayons and started colouring in the lines. This angered many peop…
Read full storyDonald Trump Buries 1st Wife Next To 1st Hole At His Bedminster National Golf Club
For tax purposes and to save money, Donald Trump laid to rest Ivanna, his first wife, and mother of his three children, near the first hole of his Bedminster National Golf Club. What’s to criticize? So the grave looks like a pauper’s grace and do…
Read full storyNutty-As-a-Fruitcake Marjorie Taylor Greene Says DC Rioters Were Left Wing Agitators
Nutty as a Fruitcake Marjorie Taylor Greene - from the Nutty as a Fruitcake rural area of North Georgia - (part of the state of Georgia) - said recently: "No one will ever convince me the Rioters were not Antifa' Leftists. "You can waterboard me.
Read full storyBig Farma Controls the Stomach, and thus, the World
Big Farma is taking over the world, jacking up prices on every tomato and pickle that comes out of the ground, and no one is doing a damn thing about it! So many farmers have a strangle hold on poor financial investors and Wall Street stock broker…
Read full storyThe London Daily Informer Newspaper Has Just Named The Top 10 Pubs In London
LONDON - (Satire News) - The London Daily Informer Newspaper, has just listed a list of The Top 10 British Pubs in London. Daily Informer reporter Benjamin "Big Ben" Viking compiled the list after the newspaper asked its readers to submit their c…
Read full storyThe Reason Why The Trumpapalooza Ass Kickin' Band Broke Up
NASHVILLE, Tennessee - (Satire News) - Word coming out of the town known as "Music City" is that the popular country group, The Trumpapalooza Ass Kickin' Band has broken up. The band played for dozens of Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump's MAGA campai…
Read full storyA Powerful Tsunami Has Sunk A Russian Destroyer In The Black Sea
IN THE BLACK SEA - (Satire News) - The Ukraine Today News Agency is reporting that a giant tsunami has just sunk the Russian destroyer The Mrs. Mikhail Gorbachev. The destroyer had just taken fire from an American F-14 Tomahawk, when suddenly a gi…
Read full storyUvalde Appoints Merrick Garland As Police Chief; Exceptional Record Of Doing Nothing Cited
Merrick Garland, former Attorney General of the US, was appointed as the chief for the embattled Uvalde police force, city officials announced on Friday. The acting police chief was suspended last week after scathing findings from the investigatio…
Read full storyAfghan Porn is Hot and Scary!
Being one of the most strict Muslim countries on the planet (but they won against America! One extremism defeated another!), the decadence of the West is highly frowned upon in Afghanistan (that’s putting it mildly). But since the unit of currency…
Read full storyThe Trump Family Tree Has Pretty Much Seen All of Its Branches Broken Off
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - The latest QuinniPinni Poll reveals that the once tall, sky-reaching Trump tree has now been reduced to a mere shell of itself with all of its branches broken off. QP stated that Ivanka is now estranged from h…
Read full storyA Devastating Category 7 Hurricane, Which Is Being Touted As "The Grandmother of All Hurricanes" Has Just Formed Off The African Coast
IN THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OFF THE AFRICAN COAST - (Satire News) - US hurricane hunters have just spotted what they are calling the largest hurricane EVER. The storm was clocked with sustained winds of an unbelievable 176 mph, which would make it the f…
Read full storyKentucky Fried Chicken Is Now Buying Chickens That Weigh 35 Pounds
LOUSIVILLE, Kentucky - (Satire News) - KFC is extremely excited after learning that a chicken farmer in Chicken Creek, Iowa, is growing chickens that weigh as much as 35 pounds, which is astounding since the average chicken only weighs 4.9 pounds.
Read full storyMusical Protest and Rebellion Can’t Buy Me Love
Nena’s “99 Luftballons,” Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Two Tribes,” Time Zone’s “World Destruction,” Men at Work’s “It’s a Mistake,” Prince’s “1999,” Culture Club’s “The War Song”. All hot songs from the 1980s that spoke out against nuclear war. It…
Read full storyCVS and Walgreens Let Christian Pharamacists Deny Birth Control Pills - Religious Reasons
It has been revealed that CVS and Walgreens pharmacies allows Christian pharmacists - due to their religious belief - (and backed up by Supreme Court rulings) - to deny Birth Control pills to customers. One woman in a rural area had to drive 50…
Read full storyClimate Change is a Problem for Whacking
In the good old days, when the mafia owned Las Vegas, a wiseguy could whack an enemy, dump his body in a barrel and throw him into Lake Mead. It would take a long time and a lot of decomposition, before the body was found. If ever. Now that water…
Read full storyFingering the Statue of Liberty
Architects have been hired to give the Statue of Liberty a bit of a face-lift and a body-lift. Instead of the Statue holding a book and raising a torch, she will instead be holding an AR-15 and raising high the middle finger, telling people from o…
Read full storyVermont Has Banned Russian Vodka
MONTPELIER, Vermont - (Satire News) - Due to the ongoing illegal barbaric Russian invasion of The Ukraine, the state of Vermont has decided to stop importing vodka from Russia. The Vermont State Dept. of Imports noted that instead of buying vodka…
Read full storyMcDonalds Is Extremely Concerned About The Idaho Potato Shortage
CICERO, Illinois - (Satire News) - Mickey D's executives have become very concerned due to the Idaho potato shortage. A spokesman for the giant burger franchise said that one of their biggest sellers are the McFries. The McFries are made from p…
Read full story'Christians In Name Only' Group Nominate Donald Trump for 2024
The Christians in Name Only’s convention was held in Orlando, right next door to Disney World. The speaker addressed the room wearing his $800 silk suit. Trump has been our Savior. He got rid of Abortion, as he promised. And if elected in 20…
Read full storyA Products Consumer Advocate Group Discovers That Wheaties, The Breakfast of Champions, Contains Zero Amounts of Wheat
NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - A consumer advocate organization known as the We're Watching 'Em Consumer Advocate Group (WWECAG), has just made a very interesting discovery. The group based in Hackensack, New Jersey, has just discovered that the…
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