Corona-Corner: Your Questions Answered
Based on question frequency, the most-asked questions are answered first. 1. Why can’t I find toilet paper? People have always loved toilet paper, because most have never experienced the hygienic joy of a bidet. 2. Will I get sick if I just...
Read full storyMan who stockpiled food gets sick from eating too much
Geoff Kerr, 42, of Arsechester, was admitted to hospital on Thursday night, suffering from excessive vomiting after he overate. Kerr, who works as a quantity surveyor, thought that people would stockpile food, so he bought ten weeks' worth of shoppin...
Read full storyDonald Trump In Charge Of Coronavirus
Someone must have finally lit a firecracker under Donald Trump. All of a sudden, after three months of downplaying the seriousness of the coronavirus, Trump snapped to attention. He's taken on the mantle, describing himself as the General in battle,...
Read full storyUnited Kingdom Turns To Harry Maguire For Guidance And Inspiration
BILLINGSGATE POST: Turning away from secularism and its attendant hedonism, frightened beyond belief that the fickle finger of Coronavirus will point to them, descendants of the people who gathered together under Winston Churchill to defeat Hitler’s...
Read full storyMelania Trump Reveals That Living With Her Husband Is Totally Stressing Her Out
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A White House insider has revealed that he overheard the first lady talking on her cell phone to her mother. Mrs. Trump was heard saying that over the last month Donald has slept an average of 45 minutes a night and sometimes on...
Read full storyGovernment to use “herd immunity” principle to immunize people from poverty, by mugging them
If you look out through your curtains and see a big, bald, fat bloke with tattoos and a bailiff’s badge on a chain round his neck striding up to your front door, don’t be alarmed. Although he IS probably going to nick your telly and laptop, and smash...
Read full storyToilet Paper Shortage Scaring the Shit Out of Everyone
United States - It has been widely reported that store shelves are devoid of toilet paper. Since the spread of the Coronavirus, panic-buying and hoarding has become commonplace. Fights have even broken out in stores over the last rolls of toilet pape...
Read full storyNashville Man Disappointed Census Failed to Ask His Opinion of Government
Looking forward to having his voice heard, Josh O’Brien of Nashville, Tennessee, was disappointed when his 2020 census form failed to ask for his opinion of the government or of society in general. “I had a lot of feedback that I really think coul...
Read full storyMan On Downtown New York Street Corner Asked If He's Got Any Toilet Paper
At one time, the men standing on street corners in downtown New York City were there for one reason: the sale of illegal substances to get you through until the next day. All that seems to have changed at the moment, after one man, in Brooklyn, mi...
Read full storyFree Coronavirus Test Kits Available To All
The shockwaves over the lack of sufficient Coronavirus testing facilities and kits was swept aside earlier by the latest up-to-date medical advice and the news that a test kit for every person living in the US is available, here and now - completely...
Read full storyThe Sex Toy Industry is Booming Due to The COVID-19
SAN FRANCISCO – The iNews Agency is reporting that the sex toy industry is experiencing the greatest boom in the history of sex toys, because of the C-19 social distancing 6-foot rule. Upper Northern Hemisphere Sex Toy Company CEO, Ira Goldenberge...
Read full storyJoe Biden’s Latest Three Big Primary Victories Could Mean It’s ‘Adios’ Time For Bernie Sanders
DOVER, Delaware – Joe Biden and his wife Jill were both smiling from ear-to-ear after seeing on television that he had scored a tremendous knock-out in Super Tuesday’s Democratic Primary. Biden won in three huge states, Florida, Illinois, and Ariz...
Read full storyIvanka Trump Confesses Her Marriage is on The Rocks
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Close friends of first daughter, Ivanka Trump, have said that, lately, she has not been her normal, bubbly, blonde self. One very close friend who has known her since they were both in the second grade, said that Ivanka is alway...
Read full storyCorona 'Silver Lining': Remains of gangland victims become visible in Limehouse Basin for first time in 70 years
In what is being hailed as a surprising silver lining in the current health crisis, environmentalists have reported that the butchered remains of 1950s and 60s gangland victims are now clearly visible at the bottom of the previously murky, Limehouse...
Read full storyCoronavirus Spores Discovered Hiding Under Boy's Bed
As terror, panic, and irrational fear continue to spread through each and every household in Great Britain, the horror finally reached Stoke-on-Trent yesterday, when a woman tidying her 15-year-old son's bedroom found the one thing she hadn't wanted...
Read full storyATMs Emptied as Americans Hoard Dollars
Washington, D. C. Woof Blister reporting for SOS - Spoof on Stocks. ATMs all over the United States emptied out today, as hoarders made a run on dollars, fearing the president will use his emergency war power - he insists he is a "wartime president"...
Read full storyMan Decides To Count World's Ant Population
A man who has some time on his hands after having been given two weeks off work due to the Coronavirus pandemic, has disclosed his intention to undertake a scientific study into the world's ant population, and to discover just how many of them there...
Read full storyCoronavirus: Patient Zero Undergoing Mutation
The man who is thought to have been the very first patient to have suffered from the Coronavirus, is under strict medical supervision tonight, after it was noticed by doctors that he was undergoing some strange and unexplained mutation. The man, g...
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