The Sex Toy Industry is Booming Due to The COVID-19

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 19 March 2020

image for The Sex Toy Industry is Booming Due to The COVID-19
Sex toys like the X-69 Neptune Engulfer Boom-Boomer are mailed in totally discreet packages.

SAN FRANCISCO – The iNews Agency is reporting that the sex toy industry is experiencing the greatest boom in the history of sex toys, because of the C-19 social distancing 6-foot rule.

Upper Northern Hemisphere Sex Toy Company CEO, Ira Goldenberger, said that orders are coming in from every state of the union, and also from 147 of the world’s 196 countries.

Goldie, as he is known, said that his company has had to put on a second and third shift, and have had to hire 400 new employees, including 60 who will do nothing but test the sex toys.

When asked where most of the orders are coming from, he replied, “We are getting a tremendous volume of orders from New York City, Beverly Hills, and Walla Walla, Washington.

When asked why Walla Walla, he replied “I have no idea idea.”

Mr. Goldenberger pointed out that the biggest seller right now is the X-69 Neptune Engulfer Boom-Boomer. He added that it is followed very closely by the Kim Kardashian Lady Libido Oscillating Commando Tick Tocker.

CEO Goldenberger was asked to explain what exactly those two sex products were and what they did, but there is just no way that we would be allowed to print his answers here.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more