United Kingdom Turns To Harry Maguire For Guidance And Inspiration

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 19 March 2020

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Immunity For All

BILLINGSGATE POST: Turning away from secularism and its attendant hedonism, frightened beyond belief that the fickle finger of Coronavirus will point to them, descendants of the people who gathered together under Winston Churchill to defeat Hitler’s Germany 80 years ago, have now chosen the hapless Harry Maguire to guide them through these miserable times.

Maguire, in his new role as inspirational leader for the millions of fans who have been sucked into believing he has magic in his football shoes, has himself to blame for this adulation.

After joining Manchester United this season, he has proved to be an overpaid failure. Nevertheless, he has continued to cash his checks without fail; this fact, in itself, is enough to give his fans the smug satisfaction of knowing they are not the only ones to beat the welfare system in England.

In his latest tweet, Harry Maguire addressed a question asked by pundit Monkey Woods:

“Is it necessary to drink your own urine to build up your immune system?”

“No. But I do so because it’s sterile, and I like the taste.”

He also adds this obvious tidbit:

“Don’t bend over in a crowd. It will draw a bunch of retards from Liverpool."

Slim: “Words to the wise should be sufficient.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge the Coronavirus.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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