Free Coronavirus Test Kits Available To All

Written by Moys Kenwood

Thursday, 19 March 2020

image for Free Coronavirus Test Kits Available To All
Have I got it? Haven't I?

The shockwaves over the lack of sufficient Coronavirus testing facilities and kits was swept aside earlier by the latest up-to-date medical advice and the news that a test kit for every person living in the US is available, here and now - completely free of charge!

The kits are the brainchild of US president, Donald Trump.

Why did everything go quiet?

Covid-19 threatens to wipe out a large swathe of Americans across the continent, but the panic surrounding it, and the distinct lack of knowledge of it, is threatening all members of society - sick or not.

Food shortages, and a breakdown in law and order are, potentially, bigger killers.

To regain some stability, then, President Trump has revealed details of the 'test kits', which come in the form of a written TV address:

"Build a huge food supply in your house, roofspace, and basement.
Stay in your home!
Answer the door to nobody!
Do not go outside for fresh air - open a window for 5 minutes.
Remain in your home for 14 days.
If you get sick within that time, you probably have the virus.
If not, you probably don't.

This is the end of the Coronavirus Free Test Kit.

Good luck.

God bless America!

President Donald J. Trump"

The 'test kits' are sure to help, and to settle the minds of hundreds of thousands of hypochondriacs, whilst normal folks will just get on with things as normal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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