Elmer Smuckmeister Arrested For Possession Of Crack Paraphernalia
BILLINGSGATE POST: Outside the Costco in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, Elmer Smuckmeister was stopped by the local constable. Elmer, who was an enterprising young man of impeccable credentials - his father owned the only saloon in town - was only too...
Read full storyHealthiest Man In The World Dies Of Coronavirus
The officially healthiest man in the world, Chris. P. Bacon, has died after having tested positive for the coronavirus COVID-19. Chris was admitted to hospital at 11.30 this morning, with three gunshot wounds to the chest, but died shortly after bein...
Read full storyTrump Groupies Insist that "More Libtards are Being Triggered" by Redundant Nonsense "Than Ever Before"
Washington - While a nation sheltered at home in response to the Coronavirus pandemic, mindless followers of Donald Trump, unable to show love and support for their exalted leader by showing up at rallies, consoled themselves by taking to social medi...
Read full storyPanda meat salesmen struggling to survive
Fung Ho has sold panda meat at the Nanchong exotic market every day for the last 30 years. But recently he has found that customers are avoiding his delicacies. "Ever since colonavilus, nobody want buy panda," said Fung. "I have panda flesh, flesh...
Read full storyMayan High Priest Hokum Revises Coronavirus Doomsday Prediction
BILLINGSGATE POST - Mayan High Chief Hokum, after watching the latest Trump Coronavirus update, told FOX NEWS Sean Hannity, that it is time for everyone to practice "grabbing your ankles, putting your head between your legs and kissing your ass goodb...
Read full storySelf Isolating Grandmother Finally Discovers Porn On The Internet
A self-isolating senior from Baltimore has discovered that internet porn 'is a thing', after spending the last sixteen days surfing the internet, and scrolling through dozens of online search results. 70-year-old Martha Mullett admitted, Monday, t...
Read full storyMax Factor to Sue Trump
Cosmetics giant Max Factor has today announced its intention to sue president Donald John Trump. The suit aledges that president Trump, who is widely known to be a long-time user of Max factor’s products, has caused lasting damage to the compan...
Read full storySex Every Night For Some Couples During Lockdown
It's being suggested, in some circles, that the closure of public places where people gather in numbers, to attempt to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus, is having a positive effect on married couples, some of whom now admit to having sex every n...
Read full storyStanding Ovation for Queen as she delivers food parcels to council estate
Members of the public applauded Queen Elizabeth the Second as she delivered urgently-needed food parcels to a council estate in South London. Many stood in their doorways, a few metres apart, clapping and waving Union flags, as the 93-year-old monarc...
Read full storyNashville Man Settles Down at Crossroads
A victim of the widespread layoffs resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic, 51-year-old Bert Hamilton of Nashville, Tennessee, found himself at a crossroads – and decided to settle down there. “Best decision I ever made,” he said. “The view’s incredible...
Read full storyHarry to join Top Gear
BBC insiders have revealed that Prince Harry is in negotiations to join the Top Gear team as a presenter. The move is due to the impending departure of Paddy McGuiness. Paddy is understood to be leaving in order to reprise his roll as Paddy in th...
Read full storyLocal man practising relaxation technique attacked by giant squid
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he was attacked and badly injured by a giant squid as he was trying to ease his stress about the coronavirus outbreak by immersing himself in a relaxing fantasy about swimming with dolphin...
Read full storyPresident Trump Says That He is Willing to Take Hydroxychloroquine to Prove it is Harmless
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The president has said that he wants to prove to his base, as well as to his baseless, that he is not afraid of taking the COVID-19-fighting drug, Hydroxychloroquine. Trump, responding to a question from a reporter with The Wash...
Read full storyMassachusetts to Crack Down on Toilet Paper Hoarders
BOSTON – The governor of the state of Massachusetts has just issued a mandate stating that the state will no longer put up with those individuals who are hoarding extreme amounts of toilet paper. Governor Charlie Baker has informed the inhabitant...
Read full storySince C-19, Phone Sexting Has Increased by 875 Percent
CHICAGO – One of the Windy City’s leading psychologists says that she has noticed a big increase in the amount of phone sexting that is now taking place. Dr. Wanda Leigh Zabinowitz, who has thousands of clients, says that a big majority of her cli...
Read full storyThe President Trump - Governor Cuomo Feud is Getting Uglier by The New York Minute
NEW YORK CITY – Lately the president has been criticizing New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and saying that he is asking for way too many medical items such as medical masks, band-aids, tongue depressors, and placebo pills. The governor has been resp...
Read full storyA Tiger in the Bronx Zoo Tests Positive for the Coronavirus
NEW YORK CITY – A 4-year-old Malayan-Himalayan tiger named Nadia Comaneci is the first animal in the history of animals to get the Coronavirus. Bronx Zoo Assistant Director, Pixie P. Pinzer, said that Naddie first exhibited signs of the C-19 after...
Read full storyA case of the runs cures toilet paper shortage
Detroit, MI - WETS News Here at TheSpoof.com, it has been quite stinky due to the run on toilet paper. That has worked to make social distancing happen though. Things got very bad in the newsroom when a case of the runs went around the office,...
Read full storyCelebrity Squares To Make A Comeback In Effort To Thwart Lockdown Boredom
The once-popular Sunday teatime TV gameshow, Celebrity Squares, is to make a long-awaited comeback in an effort to give viewers something to look forward to at the weekend, and to beat the Lockdown Blues. Originally hosted by Bob Monkhouse, the sh...
Read full storyFat Man And His Fatter Wife Unable To Social-Distance Adequately Due To Being Morbidly Obese
A man and his wife who are both fat bastards, have said they are unable to comply with the government's advice on social-distancing because of their issues with obesity. Richard and Julie Blobby, from Hull in East Yorkshire, both weigh around 20 s...
Read full storyBetter Days Will Return
When Queen Elizabeth of the United Kingdom declares, "Better days will return," you can take it to the bank. Why? Because she's, The Queen! Other countries and places have queens, and lovely for them! However, Queen Elizabeth of the United Kingdo...
Read full storyGreta Thunberg: Only A Meteor Can Save Us From Coronavirus
Greta Thunberg has a lot on her plate, these days. As if accelerated climate change and impending environmental disaster through global warming weren't enough for the young Swedish activist, there's now the Coronavirus to contend with - it never rain...
Read full story