Nashville Man Settles Down at Crossroads

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 6 April 2020

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Bert Hamilton recommends life at the crossroads for fans of inertia. “The view’s incredible."

A victim of the widespread layoffs resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic, 51-year-old Bert Hamilton of Nashville, Tennessee, found himself at a crossroads – and decided to settle down there. “Best decision I ever made,” he said. “The view’s incredible. And the possibilities are limitless. As far as the eye can see - and then some.”

Hamilton noted, too, that he takes a quirky pride in having debunked the age-old wisdom of Yogi Berra, who once said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“Turns out you don’t have to take any fork whatsoever,” said Hamilton. “And by the same token, you don’t have to do anything when you come to a crossroads. You can hunker down right there and make the most of it.”

Much as he himself is enjoying life at the crossroads, though, Hamilton emphasized that the lifestyle is not for everyone. “You have to be very comfortable with nuance and uncertainty. Goal-oriented people who derive a lot of satisfaction from making decisions and actually getting somewhere in life probably won’t take it very well," he said. "But if - as I am - you're a fan of inertia, then this could be just the thing.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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