BBC insiders have revealed that Prince Harry is in negotiations to join the Top Gear team as a presenter. The move is due to the impending departure of Paddy McGuiness.
Paddy is understood to be leaving in order to reprise his roll as Paddy in the upcoming Sequel to 'Max and Paddy’s Road To Nowhere', which has the working title ...'Max and Paddy Hit Swindon'. However, due to Peter Kay’s self-imposed hiatus from showbusiness, the role of Max is understood to have been offered to Russell Grant, much to the chagrin of Johnny Vegas, who reportedly commented: “if only I’d put on 10 stones and talked bollocks, I could have nailed that baby.”
BBC producers believe that Harry will be the perfect fit for the laddish romp, due to his time in the Army and that time he was photographed with the little-general out with a load of hookers in Vegas.
When asked for comment, a Buckingham Palace spokeswoman said: “Harry who? And, anyway, if he thinks he can earn more money actually working than he did by just shaking hands, one would like to see him try, ginger twat."
Asked about Meghan, the spokeswoman went on to say “don’t get one started on fucking Cersei, skank, she’ll be on Loose Women next; how fitting!”
Of course, no mention of Top Gear is complete without explaining that the current shower of arseholes replaced the three amigos after the big daft one twatted a dick of a producer for not having his steak ready. Well, he is from Doncaster, or Doncester, as he now insists on pronouncing it. Sometimes, it is tempting to sympathise with Oisin, whose producer training did not include working with apes, though he did produce Trinny and Susannah, so there’s that.